I would like to go back a day or so in time but continue on the topic of DBT Emotional Regulation Skills. Needless to say, finding out my AMD had progressed that quickly and I would have to redefine myself as a visually impaired person was not fun. It was downright depressing and we have already addressed the lovely panic attacks that have been – and actually continue to be – enveloping me at odd moments. Saying that I was in a state would be an understatement. My husband said that I cried more than I had cried in all the previous 25 years of our marriage. So, in that state, why in the name of heaven am I wearing a blue tulle tutu and a paper tiara? The answer is: it was Marcy’s birthday. We had been planning a party in Zumba class.
I had cried more than I had cried in all the previous 25 years of our marriage.
Could I have stayed home and cried? Of course. Part of me wanted to and no one would have faulted me. I had drawn the bad card and it was understandable if I had crawled into my shell for a while, even a long while. The problem was that it was Marcy’s birthday and I had a tutu and tiara waiting for me. I was supposed to be in my usual place dancing. The problem also was that I had to do something to challenge my mood or I would have been a long time crawling out of my hole.
It was Marcy’s birthday and I had a tutu and tiara waiting for me.
DBT has a technique called Opposite to Emotion. It is just what it sounds like. If you have an unhealthy emotion, act in the way you would act if you were having the opposite emotion. Behavior follows emotion but emotion also follows behavior. Not a new concept, Ignatius Loyola said something about performing the acts of faith and faith will follow. In other words: fake it until you make it.
Opposite to Emotion boils down to fake it until you make it.
So, for one hour, I acted as if all was right in my world. I dressed up. I danced. I laughed. And for that hour I felt better.
Please note I said for that one hour. It is all right that it did not last forever. It is all right if I went back to being distressed. For that one hour, I was improving my mood and fighting the downward spiral that could have led to more problems, such as a serious depression. Maybe I could do it another hour another time. Behavior follows emotions but emotions also follow behavior. Fake it until you make it. Put on your tutu and your tiara and dance.
Put on your tutu and your tiara and dance.
Written February 2016. Reviewed September 2018.