How’s Your Balance?

DBT has a thing for balance. It is sort of in the name: dialectic. You remember. Dialectics are all about avoiding black and white thinking, finding balance, coming to a consensus.

Anyway, DBT is worried about balance in other ways. One of these ways is having enough to do. Or having too much to do. It is good to have the choice.

Everyone has different tolerance levels and different requirements. My tolerance for crazy is pretty high. In fact, I crave it. Pack my days and I am one happy camper. Someone else may need a lot more down time.

One of the things that terrified me about losing my sight was the potential of being ‘grounded’, my wings clipped. Not my style. Another person – maybe one of the caregivers out there, for example – might be finding himself overwhelmed with all of the demands being put on him. If it is too little or too much FOR YOU, it is not a good thing.

DBT interpersonal effectiveness has some skills to help both of these situations. Let’s take a quick look at increasing demands first.

DBT suggests that people who have too much time on their hands build structure and increase demands. On themselves, that is, not on others. We talked a little about the benefits of schedules and routines. Have things you ‘need’ to do throughout the day. Volunteer. Invent a project for yourself.

How many random acts of kindness can you do in one week, for example? Get committed! What you do is pretty much up to you.

What about those who have too many demands on themselves? DBT says ‘just say no’. Well, maybe not ‘just’; there is some art to it.

DBT suggests you weigh how much the factors involved are actually ‘worth’ to you. How important is it to do what you would have done instead of complying with the demand? To maintain the relationship? To maintain your self-respect?

It also suggests you consider how capable you are of fulfilling the request. Is it coming at a good time for you? Do you have a clear understanding of what you are being asked? Does the requester have authority over you? Does he have the moral right to ask this of you? Will you need something from him in the future? Will doing as requested get you any closer to your own goals?

There is actually a tally sheet that helps you rate each of these factors and come to a decision. Should I refuse? How adamantly? That chart can be helpful when you have time to sit down and weigh your options. Other times just a quick, mental review of the above points can be helpful. If nothing else, you are making a well-thought out decision and it is your choice.

There is a lot to be said for having a choice.

Next: COOKIES!

Home

Ratings

  • Rate this
  • Summary
Current Average Ratings
Overall quality
Avg: 0/5
Applies to topic
Avg: 0/5
Helpful to me
Avg: 0/5
How’s Your Balance?
Total Avg Rating: 0.00 out of 5 with based on 0 rating(s)
Overall quality
Applies to topic
Helpful to me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.