Dependence: the state of reliance on or being controlled by someone or something else. What a pain in the posterior that is!
62 years – or at least from my early 20s to 62 – I was my own woman. Made my own decisions. Kept my own schedule. Went where I wanted to go. All of that is now changed.
Now there is ‘another country’ being heard from. Or maybe even two or three more. I hate it.
What gives these people the right to tell me – or try to tell me – what to do? My dependence does. I now need them.
I am being given opinions about what I ‘need’ and don’t need to do. I ‘need’ to go to work but I don’t need to go to exercise classes. Oh, really??? You may not feel the need to take me but I will get there even if I have to walk. Please don’t tell me what I need. You don’t live in here. I do.
I am having trouble finding anything much on the web about sudden dependence. The common parlance apparently considers dependence to be an addictions issue! However, one article contained the word ‘power’ and that word rang true.
I resent the loss of my power! I resent having power taken from me and I want it back!
Another phrase that rang true was ‘loss of identity’. This is not me. I have likes and dislikes. I have opinions. If I did not like something before I would get in my car and drive away. Why do I have to stay now? I don’t do things this way!
OK. My resentment can make me a bit of a witch. The people whom I am dependent upon have rights too. They don’t have to help me and, truth be told, they are not the ones taking away my independence. It is circumstance. However, if you don’t want or are unable to help me be myself and maintain my power, say so.
Lead, follow or get the hell out of my way. I want MY life and I want MY identity and I will do what I can to try to keep them. Don’t tell me what I ‘need’ to do! If I fail, I have failed on my own terms.
While I am not in the habit of citing people who have no last name, I found something related written by James D. for www.keepinspiring.me. James’s take on things is that lack of control in your life can lead to depression. I quote him because I have seen the same finding other places. James suggests you take steps to control those things in your life that you are capable of controlling. Even being able to control a few things is helpful.
So I keep on keeping on. I will find ways to be me as long as I can. I will find a way to keep at least some of my power. Dependence? It stinks!