I Screwed Up

I screwed up today. More accurately I realized I screwed up. I had not proofed a report as carefully as I might have and let a mistake slip through. Grrrrrrrr. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

Before, I would have rolled with it better. Poop happens. Now I doubt myself.

Would this have happened before? Is this a sign I should retire? One little screw up and the self-doubt starts.

Just one little screw-up? One? Do I anticipate this is just the tip of the iceberg? Absolutely! I am too blind to know I am messing up. People are too kind to tell me. They are coming along behind me cleaning up my messes but no one is letting me know! I can think up all sorts of scenarios, all of them bad.

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” – Honore de Balzac.

I like quotes. I like that one. I just found it when I started a search on self-doubt. Being able to even FIND that quote is actually a plus, a self-esteem builder. My vision stinks but I am starting to be able to use what is left a bit better. In February I had lost the ability to do any web searching at all. Now I am doing a bit.

But as usual, I digress. At least I am consistent.😃

Anyway, I found a blog written by Bruna Martinuzzi, president and founder of Clarion Enterprises. Forgive my ignorance but I have no clue what that is. I like some of what she says, though. In 8 Ways Highly Successful People Overcome Self-Doubt, Bruna – may I call you Bruna? – says some interesting things.

For one thing she says not to make excuses. She refers to “transparent justifications”. Hmmmmm. Bruna does not exactly say this, but I think she would agree we should own our mistakes. Back to the acceptance and change thing. Can’t fix it by making excuses for it.  Also excuses make us look and feel weak. Don’t want that.

She also talks about self-awareness. Be aware of what situations make you doubt yourself. If that area is weak, work to strengthen it. Find a way to cope.I  can promise you I will spend extra time and care in proofing!

I have discovered it is a weakness. Never used to be but it apparently is now.

A big area that Bruna talks about is compassion for one self. Do I cut myself as many breaks as I maybe should? Hell, no!  I need to be Super Blind Girl. But yet there is evidence that self compassion develops resilience, that bounce back ability we are all going to repeatedly need as our AMD progresses.

Maybe I should work on letting me be a little less ‘perfect’.

Although Bruna really did have 8 points, half of them were related pretty exclusively to overcoming self-doubt in business so I am going to mention only one more. To paraphrase, “just do it.” Stop wondering how successful you will be or what people will think and just do it. Do not let self-doubt paralyze. Maybe you will do better than you think.(BTW, in DBT speak this is called participate).

So I screwed up. I regret it but it happens. I need to accept responsibility and work on the problem.  I also need to be kind and compassionate with myself and don’t let my fears paralyze me. I should try not to let self-doubt undermine me. Pretty tall order but I guess it is worth a shot.

Next: YOGA FOR YOU

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