Some Learning to Do

Good morning. Mildly frustrated….again. Suspecting this is the usual state for people with vision loss in the ‘mature’ years (and whom, exactly do we think we are kidding with that ‘mature’ business?😎)

The online dictionary gives the definition of frustration as “the state of being upset or annoyed especially because of the inability to change or achievement something”. Yep, that’s me. Upset and annoyed.

I miss my freedom and flexibility of movement. I want to be able to go where I want to go and do what I want to do when I want to do it. And I don’t want everything I do to be such a damn project!

I got back to hip hop this week after three weeks of missed classes. Variety of reasons. But then Tuesday I ended up staying home because I had gotten the feeling I had overstayed my welcome with that ride. (Take the hint, girl!) Wednesday I was going to ride my bike to yoga in the park but I got out of work too late. Tonight I tried a different class, one the Y is offering in place of yoga, and really did not like it. Honestly! Niggling little frustration after niggling little frustration!

Then, of course, I feel guilty. I had arranged for transportation, but two people inquired how I was getting home. Either of them would have volunteered to bring me home. That is not a requirement. They are kind. How can I be so frustrated when I am surrounded by kind people? What is wrong that I cannot appreciate what I have?

Summer plans are starting to formulate. I am one of the most fortunate people I know because I have people willing to take me to yoga events, blues festivals and even into ‘The City’. [New York City, that is.] Am I thinking of that? Of course not! I am thinking about how I am going to finagle transportation! How can I get to the kind souls so they are not driving so much? How can I be less of a burden?

When I start thinking this way I start to get very willful. I dig my heels in and say things to my husband like “Fine! I don’t care! I will walk!” Yeah. 20 miles in the snow uphill…both ways. Problem is: I would actually try!

In DBT the question to ask someone who is being willful is “What is the threat?” What is it you are defending against when you dig your heels in and insist things be your way? Pretty good question because dollars to donuts I am defending against something!

In my case, I think I am defending against the loss of my lifestyle. The loss of my identity. Realistic fear? Certainly not for a couple of confused weeks. Best to let the dust settle. See how things shake out to use one more of my colloquialisms.

Of course, my style tends more towards blunt force than patience. I don’t totally embrace everything I teach. Apparently I also have some learning to do.

Written June 10th, 2017

Next: Best Places for Us to Live

Home

 

Ratings

  • Rate this
  • Summary
Current Average Ratings
Overall quality
Avg: 5.00/5
Applies to topic
Avg: 5.00/5
Helpful to me
Avg: 5.00/5
Some Learning to Do
Total Avg Rating: 5.00 out of 5 with based on 1 rating(s)
Overall quality
Applies to topic
Helpful to me