MYopia, My Journey: Part 2 The Joy Thief

The Joy Thief by Andrea Junge

Myopic Macular Degeneration is stealing my joy.

I recently stopped running, something I loved so much, because the pounding posed threat to my fragile retina.

Joy stolen.

I am blessed to have a wonderful loving and supportive husband, am raising two beautiful and healthy sons age 8 and 5, I have amazing and supportive parents, caring friends and coworkers…and am still struggling with the dark visions of my future…even though my ‘now’ is really, really great.

Joy stolen.

I’m struggling. Big time. I cry a lot. I pray a lot. I complain a lot. I research a lot. I feel sorry for myself a lot.

Joy stolen.

The only thing that makes me feel any better right now is knowledge.

Knowledge and what I choose to fuel my body with each and every day gives me a strange sense of power. I am researching and learning everything I can about eye health, nutrition and supplement. I eat spinach and arugula (gross! Seriously, it’s not good), orange bell peppers, and blueberries EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

Joy stolen.

I am a work in progress. I’m learning that, for me, this is a grieving process. I’m grieving the loss of my vision before I’ve even lost it. I’m grieving the changes to the future I had planned for myself before these plans have had a chance to come to fruition.

Joy stolen.

Recently, my eyes started showing me just how ‘sick’ they are. A few months ago, I had to have laser surgery to repair a tear in my retina and my blind spot seems so big. I have a bazillion floaters and flashing lights and any slight change rushes me into the overcrowded specialist office that is filled with people more than twice my age. I cry every single time I’m there, but I am gratefully still able to live a pretty normal life. I can still work, drive and read. I can still see my children’s beautiful faces. Yet I’m sad because I feel like I’m losing the battle.

Joy stolen.

I have oodles of sunglasses, technology glasses for myself and my children. I know which supplements I should take and which supplements they should take. Sometimes more than myself, I worry about my children. Will they have this disease? How can I help them now? Is Evan wearing his sunglasses? Did Wyatt swallow his vitamins or hide them?

Joy stolen.

I’m having to relearn who I am and what I will and won’t allow for myself. I don’t know all of the answers to my problem, but I do know that my worrying will inevitably become regret someday if I allow it to continue to rob me of the joys in life that I love so much.

It’s a new year and my resolution is to stop this joy thief.

Next:  MYopia, My Journey: Part 3

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