A Stuffed Black Dog

I am practicing my DBT skills on myself today. Today was the day I was supposed to get a new pool liner. Supposed to being the operative words.

I have spent several years trying to extend the life of the old liner with gorilla tape! That one was always a bit of a debacle. I picked an installer at random – and did not find out he had been driven out of business three times before that until I was having problems. (Note to self: research tradesmen!) When hurricane Ivan came along and pushed up the bottom of my pool, I was not able to get a lick of help from that guy. My pool bottom had lumps with wrinkles radiating in all directions. I was dreaming about GIANT spiders living in the pool!?

But that is not why I am practicing my DBT. Today was supposed to be sunny and 80 °F. It is 56 and raining. My pool is drained and there will be no new liner for a week. Frustrated, but it is what it is. No controlling the weather.

Also, why ruin right now thinking about the swamp smells that might (face it, probably will) be coming off the pool until we get the new liner in? My fussing won’t make it smell like roses!

One of our readers/member of our Facebook group recently sent some comments about her first injection for wet AMD. When I read what she had written, I realized in some ways she had practiced DBT! Other ways she needed a little reminder to do so.

The reminder first: the days before her first injection our reader spent a lot of time worrying and fussing. After she had her shot she was sort of upset with herself because it had not been as bad as she had envisioned. She had wasted a lot of time being in a tizzy about it all!

Yep. My pool may not stink as much as I believe it will. The only way to find out is wait and see…and don’t waste time and energy worrying about it.

Reality dictated our reader had to have her shot. Otherwise there would be bigger problems. Reality says I am going to have a swamp in my backyard. No avoiding it. Might as well accept it will happen.

Both our reader and I know what caused our respective messes. She has ‘bad’ genes and my pool guy got a bum weather report. But even knowing what happened, the causes are not under our control. No sense fussing or saying it should not be happening. Better to practice ACCEPTS and get through it. [Lin/Linda: Click here for one of Sue’s pages on ACCEPTS.]

And you know what I loved? Our reader practiced a self-soothing skill through touch! She took a stuffed animal (a stuffed black dog) with her to help her through.

Another DBT skill she used (whether she knew it or not!) was effectiveness. That stuffed animal may not have been a ‘proper’ thing for a grown woman to have, but who cares? It did its job and helped our reader through. Remember effectiveness is all about doing what the situation calls for even if custom (or snobbery!) says it should not be done that way. [Lin/Linda: Click here for one of Sue’s pages on effectiveness.]

So, thanks to our reader for letting me use her comments in a teachable moment. As for me, no sense sitting around waiting for the pool to stink. I am off to Walmart.

Next: “Yes, but…”

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