Sue’s Terrible, Awful, No Good Day!

Back to yesterday. I was frustrated. I was pissy. I was just about ready to sell my soul to be full-sighted again. Daniel Webster, where did you find that guy you bargained with?

I have always done stupid crap but since I have had vision problems I think I do more stupid crap. Yesterday the upstairs vacuum stopped sucking stuff up. There was a wad of dog hair that it had very neatly balled up and spit back out and that wad was sitting on the carpet. OK. Vacuum mechanic I am not, but maybe I can fix this.

I have always done stupid crap but since I have had vision problems I think I do more stupid crap.

To make a long story short, I took the thing apart looking for a blockage. Got confused and fed said wad of dog hair into the intake for the motor. Burning dog hair is not one of my comfort smells.

Stupid crap frustration moment 1.

Then, I decided to bite the bullet and complete the formal request form for the publishing house I have been cursing out for the past week. Have you ever noticed you NEVER fit in ANY of the boxes or is that just me? I think I have spent my life being ‘other’.

Essentially there was no way for me to fill out the form correctly because the needs the form was built to handle and my needs were very different. I ended up filling in the ‘additional information’ section with a ‘book’ about my problems and burning desire to get back to work and as close to ‘me’ as I could get. I was angry and resentful and frustrated and then there were tears. This round peg is tired of trying to fit into square holes!

Frustration moments 2, 3 and 4. Possibly even 5.

THEN I tried to print that accursed form off and the printer jammed. I did not see the paper jam was wrapped around part of the printer. Honestly, I did not. Do you think I would have pulled that hard and broken my printer if I had???? Pulled that sucker right off.

That was frustration moment 6.

The point has been made before: I am not a patient person. Before, in this circumstance I would have jumped in the car and cruised on over to Best Buy for a new printer. Uhhh, no car. Can’t drive. Husband in for the night. No printer.

Let’s get up to about frustration moment 9 here.

Top all of this off with a misstep on the steps. I have dark carpet on the steps and dark tile on the floor. Did not bother to turn on the stair light. Did not heed my habilitation person’s suggestion to use contrast. There is one more step than I anticipated. Came down on the side of the ankle but stayed upright.

That rounds it all off with frustration moment 10!

Since no convenient devil popped up to bargain for my soul – and let me tell you, I could have been ripe for it – I had to deal with myself. Bring myself down or it was going to get NASTY.

First thing I did was order a new printer on Amazon. Quickly replacing things may not be a financial option for many of you but thankfully it is for me. I replaced the thing so I would only have to deal with the frustration of no printer for a few days.

Damage control. What plan can you devise for damage control?

Then I went into the self-soothe skills. Chocolate ice cream is good. One dish, not the entire half-gallon. I cuddled with the beastie baby. I drew a hot bath and put in vanilla shower gel for a bubble bath. After that I put a dab of Vicks Vapor Rub on my chest and crawled into bed. Conveniently I had just changed the bed that day so the sheets were cool and crisp. I pulled the sheets over my head and smelled the Vicks.

Then I went into self-soothe skills.  I ate chocolate ice cream, cuddled the beastie baby, drew a hot bubble bath, put Vicks Vapor Rub on my chest & crawled into bed.

Why Vicks? It is another comfort smell for me. It is the smell of being home sick from school and getting to eat chicken noodle soup and draw on the hot vaporizer with wax crayons.

So there you have it. Yesterday stank. Nobody rescued me so I had to rescue myself.

Remember, I not only teach DBT, I am a client. 🙂




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