Yeah Team!

Back to being ‘fried’ on a Friday. Saw clients and helped my boss and fellow DBT teacher fill in an application for a grant. She needs me to be her “right-hand man” on this and the potential of the project is exciting. Just the same, I keep going back to what will happen if I have another significant vision loss? How can I help? Will I only hinder? Will all this time and money be spent on me only for my vision to fail?

In this case, I am ‘it’. I have the knowledge and I have a certain dedication to the project. There is no other candidate. I have to step up to the plate for her.

Sometimes I get a little nervous that people still have faith in me. They throw me assignments. They elicit my help. There are times I want to say “Excuse me. Visually impaired little old lady here! Don’t trust me with this. I might fail you!” Of course, I really won’t be what fails. It will be my eyes, but the results will be the same.

Intellectually I know nobody is irreplaceable. Intellectually I know we could get a younger colleague to do this and she could be run over by a truck or some such thing. Results would be the same, but it would not feel the same to me. I would not feel like I was the one letting people down.

The other issue here is I am an old war horse. Sound the bugle! I snort and pace and I am ready for battle! I do not want a safe pasture. I enjoy the challenges. Sure! Let’s do it! Damn the torpedoes!

As I said, in this case, I am ‘it’. No one else is prepared to do it. Take it on and try to see it through. I have told my boss I will do it for her as long as I can see. After that she will just have to lead me with my white cane around if she still thinks I can help. I am game if she is.

We live until we die. Or at least I think we should. I am going to go until I can go no longer. Make my contributions where I can. Enjoy. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Not truly. I may have years. Maybe not. Besides, what the hell am I going to do if I decide I should sit around and wait to go blind? Drive myself crazy? [Lin/Linda: drive ME crazy!] And that doesn’t even considered the effects I would have on other people’s mental health! Not sure my husband deserves that fate.

So, for now, I get to be second in charge. ‘Team leader’. Ha! Scary thought. Wish the team luck. They are going to need it.

Written October 27th, 2017

Next: Cruisin’

HOme

 

 

 

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