Twice this week I have been accused of being a control freak. Yep. Guilty. I have always been high-energy and results-oriented. And arrogant. Don’t forget arrogant. My mother had mental health issues. My father was laid back. My husband is laid back. I have just about always been the ramrod on this ranchero. It is just the way it is. [Lin/Linda: just in case there is any doubt, Sue is indeed a control freak, high energy and results oriented…oh, and arrogant. She was this way when we met 40 years ago and hasn’t changed. You would think she wouldn’t have a friend in the world but that’s certainly not true! I love her as do many others.]
So, why twice in one week? My being arrogant is a given. Judgmental? A given. Ditto for a leader, a fixer, a “correcter”, etc. I also don’t admit when I am wrong. As often as THAT happens! ;). ( For a ten point list of my characteristics as a control freak see Learning Mind’s Ten Ways of Knowing You Are Dealing With A Control Freak.) [Yep, those too.]
To loop back here: why now? Why are these traits suddenly so salient people are commenting?
Well, for one thing, the puppygirls literally dropped me on my head a few days ago. The rabbit was just too great a temptation. Then last evening there was another rabbit and I dropped the leash to keep from face-planting. I cannot keep walking them together if this keeps happening. I have to re-establish some control.
Brain sprinkle, minor epiphany, in short – Eureka. That word ‘control’ is key here. Don’t stand in my way or tell me I can’t unless you want me to freak (and TOTALLY prove you wrong or die in the attempt). I have been in a control freak freak about things not doing what I want them to do! That is where this is coming from!
Second brain sprinkle/ minor epiphany: if I have problems coping with unsuccessfully trying to control Psycho Dog and Sister of Psycho Dog, how much lack of control do other people with vision loss experience? And are these people becoming control freaks as well?
Psychmechanics, in their 2015 article on the psychology of overly controlling people agreed those who are control freaks feel out of control. Feeling out of control motivates us to get back in control in the areas we perceive as lacking.
But what happens if we cannot regain control of that area in our life? Watch out! Everybody run!
Vision loss is a REAL lack of control. In their Psykologisk article from 2016, Engevold and Heggdal quoted Corbin as saying chronic illness interferes with “biographic time” and self-concept. As has been known for some time, those of us with a strong internal locus of control tend to see ourselves as masters of our own fates and those people have fewer psychological problems. Obviously, chronic illness shakes that bedrock and something needs to be done to firm it all back up again.
Engevoid and Heggdal outlined the Bodyknowledge Program as a possible intervention for the perceived lack of control in life with chronic conditions. This program contains many aspects of other programs we have suggested for avoiding depression but they do bear repeating:
- Be aware of your body and understand your limitations. This includes understanding your disease and what is happening in your body
- Accept your new, limited capacity
- Establish priorities and set boundaries
- Regain control. This also includes learning to use the resources that are available to you
- Utilize the dialectic of mind and body to promote coping and health
So, in conclusion, control freaks of the world, UNITE! Take back the sense of control vision loss has taken from you! ….In the meantime, I am going to see what I can do about these dogs.
Written August 18th, 2019