As I identified this page with a date, I stopped to reflect on how trying and tragic this year has been for many of us. COVID-19, fires and hurricanes not to mention a crazy political scene and a recession that is looking more and more like an economic depression have all managed to sweep down upon us in less than a year, 365 short days. It is no wonder people are getting ready to hang it up!
Added to all the chaos in the common world, the great majority of people reading this page also have a more personal, potential, crazy-making circumstance. Some of us are losing sight due to macular degeneration. How do you keep going forward with all that?
I was told there is interest in learning something about going forward in adversity. People want to know how to keep moving when they have been smacked down. I was told people would be interested in a primer on resilience. OK. Let’s try this.
To me, resilience is a rubber ball. You throw it to the ground, and it bounces higher than it was before. That is, it does that in ideal circumstances. For a rubber ball, the circumstances include things like the material the ball was made with and how much air has been pumped into it. But what is resilience in people and how do we promote it?
The American Psychological Association (APA) in a page aptly called Building Your Resilience (2012) defined resilience as the process of adapting to adversity in all of its form. The APA and I agree: resilience can include not only bouncing back but bouncing higher and with even more force, attaining personal growth in their terms. The APA sees resilience as containing empowerment and growth.
By this time, I can imagine some folks are complaining. Not only does she – and the APA! – expect me to survive this mess, they actually expect me to come out better! OMG. Really?
Nope. Not really. There are no tests in this “course”. However, should you happen to become a better version of yourself sometime during this sh**show that has been 2020, let people know. We need inspiration.
So, back on track, how to foster resilience? The APA does not put this caveat on this list, but I am going to. Like many other things in life, building resilience is easier when you start young. Many of the habits and conditions that have allowed me “bounce” were acquired decades ago. This does not mean, however, they are unattainable at an older age. Keep trying!
Taking these slightly out of the APA’s order, I want to start with what they call fostering wellness. The Romans said it thousands of years ago. A healthy mind almost always dwells in a healthy body. While there are exceptions to every rule, people who are physically fit, eat well, sleep well and avoid mood-altering substances cope better. It is also a good idea to take care of those health problems that you can. While I do not have the reference in front of me, I have seen that the visually impaired elderly who have other disabilities do not do as well as those who do not.
The APA also mentions mindfulness and managing stress. We can do a page on mindfulness. The APA also suggests the management of stress rather than trying to eliminate it. This circles us back to everything in moderation, especially drugs and alcohol. [Lin/Linda here: About mindfulness, in the meantime, I found a whole website about it! It’s ‘mindful. healthy mind, healthy life.’]
Building connections with others is a great way to build resilience. Not only do connections remind you that you are not alone and provide you will sources of assistance, they also give you ways to assist others and get the focus off of yourself.
Finding purpose is a great way of building resilience. With my clients, I like to quote Viktor Frankl who said that when we have ‘a why’ we can survive ‘any how.’ Get to work making lemonade out of your lemons. Is there something good that comes out of your suffering and will give that suffering meaning? Embrace it.
Lastly here, the APA piece promotes a positive attitude including acceptance and hope. The Buddha taught desire is the root of suffering. Wanting what we used to have, what we don’t have and what we will never have just leads to misery. It does not help resilience.
From personal experience and my DBT background, I would like to add one more resilience factor and that is mastery. Knowing you have succeeded before is a positive factor in believing you will succeed again. Do things that make you feel competent.
That’s about it for now. Hopefully you got some ideas that will make it easier for you to bounce through the rest of this mess. Good luck!
Written December 7th, 2020