I love my father. That is present tense even though Daddy has been dead for over 8 years. If there is really something like the Pearly Gates I expect to see my father waiting for me, right behind St. Peter.
Daddy and I were the 50s versions of Me and Mini Me. We were two peas in a pod. I have always looked like him. I moved like him. I have developed age-related macular degeneration just like him.
When I was ranting about my crap genetics, my friend said it was good my father was not alive to see he had ‘given’ me this condition. I have had clients with heritable mental illness who have children who now have the same mental illness. The parents feel guilty to have ‘given’ the illness to their children.
There is no such thing – at least yet – as ‘giving’ a child a heritable disease. Genetics are a crap shoot. You pay your money and you take your chance. Parents do not decide the genes they pass on to their children.
The bad comes with the good….just as it has come for millions of years. There is no choice and certainly no volition here.
I had a wonderful father. He raised me in a secure environment. He was my protector, my teacher and often my best friend. I have many of my values from my father. I learned life skills, such as coping through the hard times, by watching my father. I was never abused, never molested and I never truly wanted for a thing. If you are looking for what my father gave me, look at this list, not at my eye condition.
We do the best with what we are given. Often we don’t have a choice in what we pass on to our children. No one chooses to ‘give’ a child a heritable disease. It just happens and no one is to blame.
Where the choices are is where it counts. Chose to pass on love. Pass on positive values. Pass on good life skills. It comes down to the choices you make, not the genes you pass on. Just ask my Daddy and me.