macular degeneration, macular, diagnosis The Ends Justify the Means – My Macular Degeneration Journey/Journal

The Ends Justify the Means

Who’s in charge here? I am.

Or at least I generally believe I am. If I want it, it will happen. Either that or I will die in the attempt. I am relentless.

Besides making me insufferable, it also means I have a strongly internalized locus of control. Who is in charge here? Me.

I have discovered over the years that a strongly internal locus of control is good for many things. What I discovered when I did a little research this evening was one of the things it is good for is frustration tolerance.

Why was I researching frustration tolerance you may ask. Well, it dawned on me as I waited nearly an hour for my ride home from the gym: having a visual impairment could tax the patience of Job. This is frustrating business!

The article I found on quickbase.com makes a case for an internal locus of control as being the foundation for good frustration tolerance. It suggests, for one thing, you acknowledge your own choices.

OK. Why am I sitting in the YMCA lobby waiting for the stupid transportation? Because I want to go to my exercise class. My choice. I could have gone home from work. My being here was my choice. I was in charge.

Another thing they suggested was changing your thinking. Who was in charge of how I evaluated the situation? I was. I could have thought of it as ‘found time’ for goofing off. After all, in that time I did beat two levels of Panda Pop. Fretting over what ‘they’ were doing ‘to’ me would give away my power.

Another suggestion was imagining how things could be worse. Maybe even use argument ad absurdum just for funsies. If I had no ride to get me home from the gym, I could never exercise again! I would become a 500 pound blob. I could not fit in the bathtub and I would be filthy and disgusting and even the puppies would shun me. I would die miserable and alone! Aggghhhhh!!!!!

Get the point? Things could be worse.

In the end, when all is said and done, which ‘devil’ I chose is up to me. I am in charge – I get to say whether or not I wait nearly an hour for transportation. Variations on this theme happen every week. I can practically guarantee they will be late. I could sit home watching TV on my iPad and eating chips (sometimes an attractive alternative!) or I can chose to go to the gym.

If I chose the gym, I chose to wait. My call.

Sometimes the ends really do justify the means. Sometimes you have to put up with whole loads of cow poop to get what you want. However, what you want is ultimately your decision. Do you put up with the conditions, crappy as they may be? You decide.

Seeing things from the perspective of it being my choice makes things better for me. My frustration level goes down when I see all of this nonsense as just things I have elected to tolerate to get what I want. In this case, the ends justify the means.

And who’s in charge here? Me.

Written February 9th, 2018

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