In the past few days I have decided I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. If I present myself as visually impaired, that is visually impaired to the point that people really believe I am legally blind, I get the sympathy. I get the limitations. In short I get treated as if I am different.
Maybe even the “other”. How can I possibly be competent if I am visually impaired? You can’t do that! Let me help you!
If I go about my usual business and act as if there is no problem, I run the chance of offending people. Apparently there are people who see me every week. They think I am sighted…and snobby!
Case in point. I go to hip hop (cardio-dance exercise) weekly. I am in the front and a LOT of people are behind me. I don’t see them.
Last weekend I was at a hip hop benefit with most of those same people there. Several of them spoke to me and I was flippin’ clueless as to who they were. I know my face showed my confusion. Some of them were offended.
When I explain I am visually impaired and really cannot even see all of my hand at arm’s length, I get one of two reactions. Some people act as if I am trying to get out of being “caught” being “rude”. Others are embarrassed. Then I have to reassure them everything really is forgiven and all is well.
Sometimes things work in a slightly different fashion. Because I don’t see faces well…Okay, I stare a little too long. Is that who I think it is? Many of the friendly sorts will smile and pause. She is staring at me. Do I know her?
Then ensues this awkward little exchange: do I know you? Do I know you? The way you looked at me, I thought you recognized me. Then I have to explain my apparent interest in them was just my poor eyesight!
I suppose I could use that as a way of meeting some very nice, new people. I have always been friendly, but I have become “friendlier” since I lost my sight. Just ask all those strangers in cars I wave at when walking the dogs. I wave at everybody! There has to be at least ONE person in that line of traffic I know.
Then there are the people who “should” know I am visually impaired and have forgotten. I don’t mean momentary slip. I mean forgotten. I asked one of the front row people from hip hop to help me find the friend who had brought me. She glanced around and said “don’t see her. I don’t think she is here.” End of exchange. Really?!? Do I remind her that person was how I got there? Visually impaired old lady here! Remember? I could use a little help. Then we both feel bad. I wandered off and looked on my own.
Bringing up another point: crowds are fun. Not! Sometimes I feel like a lost child. “If you are missing a 65-year old visually impaired woman please report to the entrance. Our security personnel are taking good care of her until you get there.” Geez. I hope they have ice cream.
So am I going to stop going? Nope. I will bumble through until I am no longer able to bumble. Visually impairment is a reality for many of us and we are part of the community, too. Somehow it all works out…I hope that ice cream security has is chocolate.
Written March 5th, 2019