I am sure it escaped no one’s attention that all my future concerns, all the things I am planning for, are basically positive. A lot of work and potentially overwhelming but positive. I know more than one person silently – or not so silently – asked how I can be focused on positive concerns when – hey, folks! I am losing my central vision! I am legally blind! Why am I not putting my mental and physical efforts on the fact that I am losing my sight? What is wrong with me?!?!
Well, it is like this: I have gotten my finances in order. I have gotten my rides organized. I have my technology in place. I am known to the closest research team who are working on dry AMD. What else do I need to plan? If you can think of anything, let me know, but I think I have my planning needs covered. Anything beyond that is worry.
What is planning and what is worry? Frank Ryan writing for the dummies series says that planning – or problem-solving – leads to a solution. There is an end to it. Come up with a solution and you can stop planning. Worry, on the other hand is repetitive and does not lead to a solution. Worry creates the illusion you are in control. It gives you the incorrect belief you can somehow get in front of the problem and avert disaster. In the end, worry is ineffective in creating positive change. It leads to anxiety and depression.
Planning is active and purposeful. Worry is passive and avoidant. Worry keeps you in emotional mind but planning gets you into wise mind. [Lin/Linda: For those just joining us, “emotional mind” and “wise mind” are concepts from DBT, a psychological therapy that Sue uses in her job as a psychologist, teaches and uses on herself! You can read more about it in this article from Psychology Today and in her past pages – look for the category Cognitive Therapy.]
The unfortunate truth is there is no solution to the problem we have. Dry Age-Related Macular Degeneration is currently a disease with no treatment and no cure. Ryan suggested we accept that which we cannot change.
Frederic Neuman writing for Psychology Today took a slightly different approach. He called worry frustrated planning. He says we worry about what we are not able to control. We search for a plan to control the things we cannot control. When one cannot be found, we worry.
Neuman went on to suggest a two-part strategy for attacking a worry. Basically, it involves turning a worry into a plan! What are the chances this scary thing will happen and what happens if and when it happens?
It is a given that I am going centrally blind. It is happening. What happens next as my vision loss progresses? I am physically fit. I am financially fit. I have technology and human supports. I am on lists for experimental treatments. As I become more impaired, those are the things I will lean on. I have a plan about what I am going to do. Why worry?
So, decide what might go wrong. How are you going to handle that? Gather the resources you need to implement the plan. Feel better!
Written January 20th, 2019