Back as a psychologist this time…
We had a little “incident” Saturday morning. I found my glasses in the middle of the floor. This time the lenses were chewed. Big tooth marks on both lenses.
All I can say is it is a good thing the puppygirls are cute.
Now, I don’t know about you, but having unusable glasses is a minor disaster for me. I got extremely irritated and rather miserable. DBT to the rescue!
DBT teaches there are four responses to any problem. #1 is fix the problem. The on-call doctor at the hospital was zero – as in no, nada, nothing (can you tell she irritated me?) – help. A couple of other places no one was home. The person who did call me back was able to get me in and at least pronounce my current lenses officially “dead”. He was also able to order new lenses…to arrive around Wednesday the following week. Sigh. Not exactly the answer I was hoping for.
I am going to skip to #4 of the DBT possible solutions to a problem. That one is be miserable. Being miserable when problem-solving attempts fail is definitely an option. You are allowed to be miserable. However, when I am frustrated and allow myself to continue in that mode, I am not fit company for man nor beast. If I am going to continue to be effective in life, I need another option or two.
Back to option #2. That one is try to feel better. That is where emotional regulation comes in. I took care of physical needs by taking my medication and eating breakfast even though I wanted to be focused on the glasses crisis. I worked on therapy notes to build mastery and feel in control. When my husband made dinner, I expressed gratitude. All of these things changed my emotional state some for the better.
The #3 response to a problem is to learn to tolerate it. This is where we come to acceptance and distress tolerance skills. It is what it is. I gave it all my best shot and the realities of the situation were against me. Now I get to cope until the end of the week.
How to cope? Keeping busy always helps. What can I do to keep my mind occupied? Then there is comparisons. Could be worse. In the world of disasters, this is a small one. No one died or was maimed. It can be fixed. I can just will myself to put it away and not think about it. I can do for others.
Then there are what we DBT sorts call the IMPROVE skills. I could improve the moment through imagery. If I were in Aruba, what would I be doing right now? That is a nice image. I could do relaxation exercises. I could prayer. “Dear God, keep me from killing these little monsters!”
And the one I am using right now? Meaning. This situation has meaning because it is allowing me to share, both with you and with my student, the DBT, 4 possible reactions to any problem.
Might as well turn those lemons into lemonade, huh? Have a cookie! Staying miserable in lousy situations not required.
Written December 16th, 2018