Category: Cognitive Therapy

Suck It Up, Buttercup

I try not to throw pity parties for myself. I really do. Some of the time things might not be great but I get by without a lot of feeling sorry for myself.

However, sometimes other people send out the pity party invitations and I am very tempted to attend.

What am I talking about? I was finished with exercise class and waiting for transportation. Again. A friend asked if I needed a ride. “No. I’m good.” And I waited…and waited…and waited. The instructor finished whatever instructors do after class and started for her car. Why was I still there? Was I sure I had a ride? She looked at me with such concern I wanted to cry.

I finally got home – five miles – an hour after class had ended. I got to eat at 8:30. God, this is a pain!!!!!!!!!

Since it is generally good to work through these things before they grow legs and run away with you, I decided to write a page. Self help, ya know?

I know none of you fine people ever feel sorry for yourselves, but bear with me while I work through this; OK??

I found a Psychology Today article from 2013. Russell Grieger, the author, seems to blend a bit of DBT (alright, so I see DBT in just about everything) with a bit of “suck it up, Buttercup!”   Grieger quotes George Bernard Shaw as saying “People always blame their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can’t find them, they make them”.  Grieger divide people into two groups. To shorten what he said, these groups are the whiners and the responsible ones.

I don’t believe there are two groups. I feel there are two approaches and most people flip back and forth. Sometimes you have to utter a few “Really!?!? Are you KIDDING me?!?!”s before you can get back in the game.

Geiger does make some suggestions for not getting stuck in the whiners’ camp. Some of them are rather familiar. Pain is the human condition. What makes you think you are so special?  No, life is not fair. Shit happens and it happens to the nicest people. The corollary to that is “the bad guy does not always die at the end of the movie. Sometimes he gets the girl and rides off into the sunset.”

Then the much nicer ones. You are stronger than you think. You can chose not to let this dictate your life.

Geiger did not add these but I am going to. The reason I ride the #¢≠π~£! van is it is a means to a positive end for me. Without it I could not be out in the community doing my thing. I can suffer a bit if it gets me what I want. The second thought I had was “no mud, no lotus”. I like to think the adversity will make the a better person. Good things can come from adversity if it is faced with the proper attitude.

So there that is. Pep talk done. I guess I can “suck it up, Buttercup!” one more time. Shaw would be pleased.

written December 21, 2017 Continue reading “Suck It Up, Buttercup”

This Journey Together

I have had a few days of frustrating myself. I have not been ‘all there’ in Zumba or yoga. Not sure if it is the stress of puppy parenthood, the change of seasons, my bum arm, or the fact that I am 64. Probably a combination. Whatever the cause, I have not been up to par.

Then, I have noticed lapses in visual attention. Details are getting by me. Of course, we all know what that is. Whether I know the reason or not, it is irritating. I am frustrated with myself. I should know better. I should do better. I should do more.

Since I am back to teaching emotional regulation in DBT, I have been back to doing a little research. (I don’t like to do the same presentation every time since several of our students are ‘repeat customers’.) It appears DBT and a little thing called self-compassion therapy have some overlaps.

Self-compassion, or lack thereof, has to do with how people respond to themselves during a struggle or challenging time. According to Wikipedia, my ever reliable (I hope) source, self-compassion is positively correlated with life satisfaction, wisdom and emotional resilience among other things. Self-compassion has been found to be negatively correlated with rumination while rumination has been found to be positively correlated with anxiety, depression and eating disorders. (Aldao et al, 2010). In other words, cutting yourself a break means you won’t be as depressed, anxious or have as many really maladaptive eating habits.

Neff, a big name in self-compassion, postulated there are three parts to be considered. These are as follows: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness (of course!). Looking at the explanations in Wikipedia, I discovered self-compassion involves observing the situation in a non-judgmental way and accepting it is what it is. Observe, accept, non-judgmentally. Hmmmm….where have I heard that before? ?

It appears rather than be frustrated and criticize myself, I might accept as my body and eyesight deteriorate I am not going to be able to do what I once could. Rather than berate myself I might commiserate, encourage and be a friend to myself. If you had a friend who gets on your case as much as you get on your own case, would you keep her around? Doubt it.

Common humanity goes back to a guy name Siddhartha Gautama. Also known as the Buddha, the enlightened one. The Buddha declared that life is pain. This is the common condition of man. In other words, you are not alone. If misery loves company, you have a lot of it!

Of course, the Buddha also said pain becomes suffering only when we wish to escape it (very loose interpretation there). That takes us back to observe and accept. (See the Four Noble Truths if you want to understand it more thoroughly.)

Mindfulness! I get a little crazy with all the hype and would get crazier if it did not work so well. Mindfulness is derived from Vipassana, which means to see things as they truly are. It is a nonjudgmental observation of what is. Seeing what is truly there, suggests acceptance, warts and all.

So we have come full circle again. Self compassion: slightly different packaging of some wonderful, tried and true ideas. What it boils down to is this: see yourself for what you are, accept yourself, be your own best friend and remember, we are on this journey together.

Namaste (just felt the need to add that!)

written December 10th, 2017 Continue reading “This Journey Together”

Sue’s Best Pages – Part 2

continued from page 1

Part 2 Dealing with the Emotional Reaction to Vision Loss

  • “AMD can lead you to question whether or not you have any value. It may lead you to feel unworthy and guilty about being dependent upon others for so much. These are symptoms of depression, too.”
  • “No sense getting peeved and denying it. It is what it is and I feel the way I feel. That is the way it is. Acceptance of what is important.”
  • “If you don’t feel very accomplished or brave? Fake it! There are people watching. Be the person they will emulate during tough times in their lives. Show them what grace under fire really looks like.”
  • “Remember this journey is not a sprint, it is a marathon. In fact, it is a marathon that we don’t even know the course.”
  • “Many of us are facing limitations. These are limitations we don’t like and don’t want. Limitations that hit right at our independence and threaten who we are and how we interact with our worlds.”

Next: The Highest Rated Pages

 

Testing…1…2…3

Back again after vacuuming the living room and filling both the washer and the dishwasher. Starting to wonder which is worse. I have always been a little crazy but tackling some of this research stuff is, well, nuts!

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.

“You must be” said the Cat “ or you wouldn’t have come here.”

Now that THAT is settled….the article, Clinical Endpoints, etc. talks about how using spectral domain OCT can even predict where GA will spread in your macula. With no way to stop it, I might want to be ignorant of where the condition will hit next, but the authors opine being able to discover new biomarkers may indicate new directions for therapies, something we want to hear.

The article then moved over to the wet side of the street. I only had testing for wet AMD one time. They shot me up with ‘carrot juice’ aka beta carotene, and then used what was probably either fluorescein angiography or indocyanine green angiography to look for leaks.

Back to a more general discussion, did anyone ever put electrodes on your corneas and shine a light in your eyes? Multifocal electroretinography measures the strength of the signal coming off your photoreceptors when exposed to light. And I am just full of bad news today, but there appears to be a diminution of the signal strength even in early AMD.

We have talked at some length about dark adaptation and contrast sensitivity. We even mentioned the contrast test they talk about, Pelli-Robson. Allow me a moment of satisfaction for that one?.

On to one I never heard of: microperimetry. This test put stimuli on very specific parts of your macula and you hit the old button if your see them. Your fixation point is monitored so if you “cheat your sweet patootie off” like I do – in other words use eccentric viewing instead of putting my poor, ravished fovea on the target – they will know.

Other than suggesting where on your retina you can actually put your eccentric viewing, the ‘maps’ from microperimetry also give an idea of where the atrophy is going to spread. Not that I want to know perhaps. And even more bad news is the study quoted found even functional macular tissue was compromised.

I think I need to stop reading this cursed study. It is depressing!

Okay, the last section of the article talked about quality of life. Finally, back to my neck of the woods. Remember: social scientist here.

And some last thoughts:

It is just fine to put problems you cannot solve away until you actually have the resources to deal with them. In DBT (and no, I have not forgotten about that) it is called pushing away. I share good news and bad. It is up to you to pick out the things that are helpful and put away the information that is not helpful or depressing. Even the depressing findings add to our knowledge base and lead us towards treatments and maybe even a cure. Let the researchers deal with the depressing stuff.

“I don’t focus on what I’m up against. I focus on my goals and ignore the rest.” – Venus Williams

October 8th, 2017 Continue reading “Testing…1…2…3”

Practice What I Preach

At present I am waiting for the van….again. These pages seem to turn into one big tirade about the truly crap public transportation we have in this rural region.

I got up to get a 6:54 am van to work (having told them I need to be there at 8:30) and I just got the call it would be another 45 minutes until they arrive. Really?!?!? This is on top of being told they could not bring me home Saturday because my seminar is in another zip code, 5 miles away.

I am angry. I am frustrated and I am resentful. Resentment is defined as bitter indignation. It implies unfair treatment.

From the complaints I have heard from the other people who ride the vans, I suspect I am not being discriminated against. Everyone is getting the same lousy treatment. Just the same, it is not fair!!!!!

Yes, I know fairness is an illusion. I know resentment is, as published in Psychology Today way back in 1995, futile and destructive. I am aware my resentment is most likely disproportionate to the damage that has been done.  I am still pissed!

Psychology Today goes on to talk about how resentment is based on internal need rather than external circumstances. If I did not believe I DESERVED better treatment, would I be as resentful? I would say not. I am arrogant enough to believe good things should come to me almost all of the time. Having those ‘shoulds’ in my head sets me up to see things as unfair.

Resentment gives us a target for our frustrations. “This damn transportation company is to blame for my life not being easy! I could do so much more if I only had decent support!” Resentment allows us to forget that while things are caused, sometimes we are not staring at the cause face to face. Things could have been set in motion a long time ago. Your ‘injustice’ may be just another domino ,’victim’ not the agent that set things in motion. Easier to assign blame to what you can see.

So, recognizing that venting my spleen (who said THAT, anyway? Shakespeare?) at the van people may not be productive, I went online and found a couple of articles. PsychCentral.com pushed the empathy angle. Remember “walk a mile in his shoes”? It helps to look at the other party’s viewpoint, their situation. Are they doing the best they can under the circumstances? Psychology Today suggested something’s that sound, well, rather DBT-ish. They suggest you observe your resentment and sit with it for a while. They also suggest relaxation and self-care.

DBT as one-step shopping?

If I actually try to practice what I teach, I would have to admit rehashing all of the nonsense with my transportation situation is not being mindful in the present. The only thing I can deal with is the now. I should also practice some gratitude. Do I have a lot of freedom because the system exists? Yep. May not be exactly the way I want it to work, but it works…sort of.

So, in consideration, perhaps I should be a bit more tolerant. Deep breath…I feel better now. Thanks for listening!

written 9/22/2017

Continue reading “Practice What I Preach”

No Brainer

I have not been able to get my act together all weekend. I have had low motivation and not a lot interests me. Depressed? Not exactly.

To ‘fess up’, I must admit what I have been doing all weekend is listening to an audiobook. I have been sort of ‘into’ Kellerman’s The Golem of Paris which I discovered is actually the second in a series. Now I have to listen to the first one!

My head has been full of the legend of the Golem of Prague and the Book of Enoch (weird, I know, but I kid you not. They are integral parts of the story line.) But what if my head were full of worries and hopelessness and dread?

I would not, by a long shot, be alone. PsychiatryAdvisor reports 57.2% of older people with vision impairment have depression. That is up from 43.5% of older people without vision loss. If those numbers are accurate, half of you folks are depressed. Crap. This is not good!

Some of this will be a recap, but I like to think it bears repeating. For example, I want to repeat gradual vision loss or loss in one eye but not the other is very anxiety producing! Where do you think the saying “waiting for the other shoe to drop” came from? Waiting for something bad to happen ain’t good.

Then there is the interaction between loss of everyday competence from vision loss combined with the loss of everyday competence from age-related cognitive decline. There is a one, two punch! Facing loss of independence from that combo is depressing.

This combo leads me right back to what I have preached and preached and preached some more. Exercise helps to keep you sharp. Learning and using low vision strategies and technology helps to keep you competent. Sharp, competent people keep their independence. Independent people are less likely to become depressed. End of lecture once again.

The second installment of the article starts with what I consider to be a ‘no brainer’. To wit, if you can save your vision, you can help save your mental health. Like I said, no brainer. Go for your shots. Investigate changes in your vision immediately. Hard to get more basic than this.

Next the article talked about using your low vision skills and technology and a little thing called behavioral activation. What behavioral activation basically is is getting back into life. Too bad transportation is a pain in your sweet, little tushie. If it gets you to your activities – even an hour and a half early – use it. Swallow your pride and ask for a ride. Remember Cabaret? “What good is sitting alone in your room?” Good for depression! Instead,”go taste the wine! Go hear the band!” I bet Liza Minnelli never realized she was a behavioral activation therapist?.

There are several paragraphs on what psychotropic medications NOT to use when you are depressed. I think those deserve more research and their own page. For here, just remember, question your doctor about the vision side effects of EVERY medication you are prescribed. You are your own best advocate.

OK, I have nagged you enough for one page. What did mother say? “I only do it for your own good.” Me, I’m going back to my book. Did you ever hear of the Golem of Prague?

written August 27th, 2017 Continue reading “No Brainer”

Overcoming Uncertainty

Medical treatment is a very uncertain proposition. Writing for the Journal of Graduate Medical Education Wray and Loo quoted Sir William Osler as saying “Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probabilities”. The authors report that rarely is evidence of benefit totally clear-cut when a treatment has been administered. Also, it is rare for practitioners to agree totally on a treatment.

Sometimes opinions are expressed in such a robust manner by both that the patient is left in a quandary. How are we supposed to know who is correct? What are we supposed to do now?!?!

Wray and Loo suggest doctors (and others) look at the evidence. Is there evidence suggesting one treatment is superior to another? What does the research say?

Lin and I are big on research. The truth will be seen in the research. Notice I used the word will, future tense.

Work being done on AMD causes, treatments and maybe even cures is in its infancy. Like all infants, things are subject to change. The infant with blonde hair and a little button nose who you think looks just like your father may grow up to have brown hair and a ‘beak’ just like his uncle on the other side of the family! Final results subject to change without notice. Wait and see.

So many doctors don’t like to say they don’t know. Wray and Loo say it is a mark of professionalism to be able to discuss the pros and cons AND the uncertainties of a treatment, but how often does that happen? Maybe there is not enough time. Maybe they are uncomfortable being fallible. Maybe they think we can’t take it.

Wray and Loo talk about the emotional burden of uncertainty. Uncertainty is nerve-wracking. Many of us feel better believing any plausible nonsense than being told there is, as of yet, no answer.

The problem with believing strongly in something uncertain just so we HAVE an answer? When you find out your life-preserver is actually a cement block, you are too invested in it to let go!

How to handle uncertainty. I actually had to smile because when I went online what I found was totally in line with DBT. If you want to go back to the DBT pages, have at it.

Travis Bradberry, a positive psychology proponent, shares 11 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Overcome Uncertainty. Bradberry tells us our brains are hardwired to react to uncertainty with fear. He quotes a study in which people without information made increasingly erratic and irrational decisions.The diagram Bradberry showed was a brain and his caption said “uncertainty makes your brain yield control to the limbic system. You must engage your rational brain to stay on track”. Sounds three states of mind-ish to me.

Beyond that, Bradberry suggests calming your limbic system by focusing on the rational and real, being mindful of positives, taking stock of what you really know and don’t know, embracing what you cannot control (also known as accepting reality), focusing on reality, not trying to be perfect, not dwelling on problems, knowing when to listen to your gut, having a contingency plan (what I have always called plan B), not asking what if questions and – guess what! – breathing and being in the moment.

Hope this helped some. Remember this journey is not a sprint, it is a marathon. In fact it is a marathon that we don’t even know the course. Keep an open mind and don’t latch onto anything out of fear. Eventually we will find the way.
Continue reading “Overcoming Uncertainty”

Everyone Into the Pool

Once more a misadventure got me to thinking about ‘things’. I got out kayaking a little bit today. Coming in, a gentleman was trying to help me and I hurried a little too much. I hurried myself right into the drink!

Not a serious problem. I was only a few feet off shore and there were people there. I am still a decent swimmer. Made me wonder, though. Do blind people swim in open water?

VisionAware, a part of the American Foundation for the Blind, strongly recommends the buddy system. In fact their article calls swimming with a partner a ‘must’. If you get separated in the surf, swim in the direction of the waves. Listening for sounds can help a visually impaired swimmer get to shore. If there is any vision left, buildings, flapping flags, and lights can help with orientation.

The people at AFB much prefer we swim in a pool or body of water that is confined and not awfully large. In the end that, again, generally means a swimming pool.

If my pool ever gets its new liner (tomorrow? It was 92 degrees Fahrenheit without a cloud in the sky today!) I could string a lane divider to keep me from going all caddywhompus. I could also put a bright-colored beach towel or other marker at the end so I don’t swim right into the wall.

If you are a competitive swimmer as I am not, you can use a person called a ‘tapper’ to touch you right before you hit and to signal the flip turn. Counting the average number of strokes you make in a lap is good for non-competitive swimmers but will slow down those who are competing.

If you haven’t considered water exercise as a visually impaired person, maybe you should. Swimming is great, aerobic exercise for young and old. Classes in water aerobics and even just swimming can provide great opportunities for socialization. Also, remember mastery as a wonderful emotional regulation skill a la DBT?

Learning to swim or even just getting up the guts to get into the water after a vision loss, is a serious accomplishment.

Once again our friends across the pond are putting some cool stuff out there. Britain has an organization called British Blind Sports, at britishblindsports.org.uk, of course. Their visually impaired friendly swim program sounds exciting. They offer a whole training program for coaches. This program also includes information for qualifying for the Paralympics.

Once more I looked for program serving us ‘mature’ folks and found mostly stuff for kids. If you are near a YMCA or a JCC (Jewish Community Center) with a pool, call and ask. That brochure with training ideas from British Blind Sport could be a resource for a swimming instructor with no experience with the visually impaired.

Remember the more fit you are, the healthier you will be. The healthier you are, the longer you keep your independence. Water exercise can help you to achieve these goals.

Now, everyone into the pool! Continue reading “Everyone Into the Pool”

Some Learning to Do

Good morning. Mildly frustrated….again. Suspecting this is the usual state for people with vision loss in the ‘mature’ years (and whom, exactly do we think we are kidding with that ‘mature’ business??)

The online dictionary gives the definition of frustration as “the state of being upset or annoyed especially because of the inability to change or achievement something”. Yep, that’s me. Upset and annoyed.

I miss my freedom and flexibility of movement. I want to be able to go where I want to go and do what I want to do when I want to do it. And I don’t want everything I do to be such a damn project!

I got back to hip hop this week after three weeks of missed classes. Variety of reasons. But then Tuesday I ended up staying home because I had gotten the feeling I had overstayed my welcome with that ride. (Take the hint, girl!) Wednesday I was going to ride my bike to yoga in the park but I got out of work too late. Tonight I tried a different class, one the Y is offering in place of yoga, and really did not like it. Honestly! Niggling little frustration after niggling little frustration!

Then, of course, I feel guilty. I had arranged for transportation, but two people inquired how I was getting home. Either of them would have volunteered to bring me home. That is not a requirement. They are kind. How can I be so frustrated when I am surrounded by kind people? What is wrong that I cannot appreciate what I have?

Summer plans are starting to formulate. I am one of the most fortunate people I know because I have people willing to take me to yoga events, blues festivals and even into ‘The City’. [New York City, that is.] Am I thinking of that? Of course not! I am thinking about how I am going to finagle transportation! How can I get to the kind souls so they are not driving so much? How can I be less of a burden?

When I start thinking this way I start to get very willful. I dig my heels in and say things to my husband like “Fine! I don’t care! I will walk!” Yeah. 20 miles in the snow uphill…both ways. Problem is: I would actually try!

In DBT the question to ask someone who is being willful is “What is the threat?” What is it you are defending against when you dig your heels in and insist things be your way? Pretty good question because dollars to donuts I am defending against something!

In my case, I think I am defending against the loss of my lifestyle. The loss of my identity. Realistic fear? Certainly not for a couple of confused weeks. Best to let the dust settle. See how things shake out to use one more of my colloquialisms.

Of course, my style tends more towards blunt force than patience. I don’t totally embrace everything I teach. Apparently I also have some learning to do.

Written June 10th, 2017

Continue reading “Some Learning to Do”

The Art of Asking

Today was a sad day at school. The teacher who had been battling cancer for the last two plus years passed away.

I have been teaching DBT long enough now, the DBT-ish thoughts come unbidden. First though is about meaning in pain. Some people wonder how you can have meaning in a life full of pain.

The answer according to Viktor Frankl and others is this: the meaning in a life full of pain can be in the way you endure. Fortitude? Grace? Style? Call it what you will. This woman did it with class.

The other thing I thought about was the comparison skill. The mother of young children diagnosed with terminal cancer? She could have handled this low vision thing with one hand tied behind her back! What am I complaining about? I’m lucky!

And another reason I am lucky? Back to I have people and my people are great. Since my ride home and this woman were friends, she went home early. Before I even knew I was down one ride home, the secretary had called my backup ride for me and I was back in business. Love you guys!

Taking me to what Lin wants me to address: asking for help. She informs me a lot of you folks are not loud, forward pains like I am. I am supposed to talk about how it is done…and not like a loud, forward pain, either.

Remember do as I say, not as I do? We are going to go over asking nicely.?

Lin sent an article by a woman who asks for things for a living. She collects money for charity. I am going to use her Art of Asking as a loose guide.

Know what you want and why you are asking

The author suggests you know what you want and why you are asking. Essentially it should be important to you and other people should be able to see that. Frivolous doesn’t cut it. If it doesn’t matter to you, why bother people?

Ask for things from people who share your interests

I ask for things from people who share my interests. Not only do they ‘get’ I will go nutz if I don’t get to yoga, they are often “going my way”. (Bing Crosby, 1944, and available for free on YouTube!)

Ask directly for what you want and be specific about the expected cost & effort to the person

The author also suggested asking directly for what you want and being specific about the expected cost and effort to the other person. Don’t drag people out of their way and be understanding and flexible about their needs if they take you out of your way. With my ride home from school I have gone to pick out a train set, to the garage and to the chiropractor. Since she needed to go, I went along. She was doing me a favor, not the other way around.

As I said before, my school ride home lives ¾ of a mile away. My backup ride is about 1-¼ miles away. If I know someone lives on the other side of town, I refrain from asking except in an emergency.

Social media can help by asking a small group of people

I am not on social media, but social media has helped in getting my needs met. It has already happened that a usual ride had to back out but ‘advertised’ successfully for a sub. Asking in a small group can get people talking and generating solutions. Sometimes a total stranger will step in to help (just make sure SOMEBODY can vouch for him or her).

Give alternatives

The author suggests giving alternatives. There is more than one way to solve any problem and personally I have found people are more receptive to helping if they see you making the effort too. When I go to my third job, transportation will take me half way. Rather than run someone all the way to pick me up, I make arrangements to get to the halfway point on my own.

Don’t be afraid to get told no

And the most important thing of all? Don’t be afraid to get told no. The author points out not asking guarantees a no. I want to point out graciously accepting a no does not burn bridges or make people feel uncomfortable about being a ‘bad’ person. Most excuses are not excuses at all; they are reasons. Recognizing other people have obligations and needs can only be a positive in the long term.

End of tutorial.

Continue reading “The Art of Asking”

A Stuffed Black Dog

I am practicing my DBT skills on myself today. Today was the day I was supposed to get a new pool liner. Supposed to being the operative words.

I have spent several years trying to extend the life of the old liner with gorilla tape! That one was always a bit of a debacle. I picked an installer at random – and did not find out he had been driven out of business three times before that until I was having problems. (Note to self: research tradesmen!) When hurricane Ivan came along and pushed up the bottom of my pool, I was not able to get a lick of help from that guy. My pool bottom had lumps with wrinkles radiating in all directions. I was dreaming about GIANT spiders living in the pool!?

But that is not why I am practicing my DBT. Today was supposed to be sunny and 80 °F. It is 56 and raining. My pool is drained and there will be no new liner for a week. Frustrated, but it is what it is. No controlling the weather.

Also, why ruin right now thinking about the swamp smells that might (face it, probably will) be coming off the pool until we get the new liner in? My fussing won’t make it smell like roses!

One of our readers/member of our Facebook group recently sent some comments about her first injection for wet AMD. When I read what she had written, I realized in some ways she had practiced DBT! Other ways she needed a little reminder to do so.

The reminder first: the days before her first injection our reader spent a lot of time worrying and fussing. After she had her shot she was sort of upset with herself because it had not been as bad as she had envisioned. She had wasted a lot of time being in a tizzy about it all!

Yep. My pool may not stink as much as I believe it will. The only way to find out is wait and see…and don’t waste time and energy worrying about it.

Reality dictated our reader had to have her shot. Otherwise there would be bigger problems. Reality says I am going to have a swamp in my backyard. No avoiding it. Might as well accept it will happen.

Both our reader and I know what caused our respective messes. She has ‘bad’ genes and my pool guy got a bum weather report. But even knowing what happened, the causes are not under our control. No sense fussing or saying it should not be happening. Better to practice ACCEPTS and get through it. [Lin/Linda: Click here for one of Sue’s pages on ACCEPTS.]

And you know what I loved? Our reader practiced a self-soothing skill through touch! She took a stuffed animal (a stuffed black dog) with her to help her through.

Another DBT skill she used (whether she knew it or not!) was effectiveness. That stuffed animal may not have been a ‘proper’ thing for a grown woman to have, but who cares? It did its job and helped our reader through. Remember effectiveness is all about doing what the situation calls for even if custom (or snobbery!) says it should not be done that way. [Lin/Linda: Click here for one of Sue’s pages on effectiveness.]

So, thanks to our reader for letting me use her comments in a teachable moment. As for me, no sense sitting around waiting for the pool to stink. I am off to Walmart. Continue reading “A Stuffed Black Dog”

Turn Your Mind

Hello, there! Good day today.

I taught class this morning. What started out as a four man, teaching team – two on for 12 weeks, two off – is now down to two people. Looks like my colleague and I are teaching until further notice. There is a DBT teacher training in the Fall and we are strongly ‘encouraging’ some of the younger folks in the office to take it. Really cannot have no depth in our teacher pool. My colleague has already informed me – should I have a huge drop in vision – she will lead me into our classroom white cane in my hand☺. I would say it is nice to think I would be missed but I believe it has more to do with not wanting to abandon the DBT program?!

Taught radical acceptance today. Made the point it is radical because it involves a huge shift in a lot of core feelings and beliefs.

You don’t accept being someone who is visually impaired over lunch, for example.

That will bring us to radical acceptance being an ongoing process. You remember: “every day in every way we are getting better and better.” Every day we accept a little more of our new identity and the ways we now have to live our lives. It is an incremental thing.

And THAT brings us to turning the mind. [Click here for one of Sue’s past pages about turning the mind.]

I remember graduate school…many, many years ago, but I remember it! There was a diabetic kid living on the ground floor. Every week he would smoke marijuana and get a massive case of the munchies. After eating a couple of bags of snacks, this kid would go into a diabetic crisis and someone would call the ambulance. Rinse. Repeat.

This kid needed a good dose of radical acceptance. (He also probably needed a kick in the ass, but that is another page.) He was not like the other college kids. He could not drink and smoke and eat like them. Not and live to tell the tale, at any rate. That was a fact that was not going to change but he did not want to accept.

Part of the problem was he was in an environment surrounded by other kids all doing what he could not do. He was faced with the choice of going along (and just about dying) or abstaining several times a week.

Turning the mind is deciding to make the appropriate choice….again and again and again ad nauseum. Every time you have a chance to either accept your situation or reject it, you have to force yourself towards acceptance. There is no “just this once” or “I will do it next time”. The situation this kid was in may not have given him a next time.

Life is going to give you lots of opportunities to reject your ‘new reality’ and doing so is very tempting. But in the long run will not accepting reality change it one little bit? I suspect the truth will remain what it is whether people believe it or not. It will still be there to deal with, so you might as well get started. Turn your mind towards acceptance. Continue reading “Turn Your Mind”

Why NOT Me?

I am working on my lesson plan on radical acceptance for DBT. In order to truly be able to tolerate distress and build a life worth living – all in DBT parlance, of course – we sometimes have to radically accept a situation we do not approve of and that causes us pain. [Lin/Linda: Click here for another of Sue’s pages about radical acceptance.]

Why radical acceptance? Things termed ‘radical’ effect fundamental nature and have far-reaching effects. Some changes and distressing occurrences threaten us at the core. In order to deal with them we need to accept them at the deepest levels as well. Thus, radical acceptance.

Think integrating a new identity as someone with low vision into your sense of self. Now THAT is pretty radical.

Radical acceptance not only teaches “it is what it is”, no changing reality. It also teaches “everything has a cause”. When I first read that, I bristled a bit. I do NOT feel I did anything to deserve having this eyesight. Not my fault. Then I decided I would need to research it a bit more (after all, I am supposed to teach this stuff!)

Turns out the idea behind everything has a cause is not about assigning blame. It is, instead, to quiet that chorus of voices saying how things should be and how life is not fair.

Only when we get over feeling the Universe is out to get us can we eliminate some of our distress.

The plain and simple fact of the matter is I was a pretty logical candidate for developing AMD. I am female, white and of a certain age. My father had AMD. My diet runs toward fatty foods and I have high blood pressure. After I took another look at the risk factors I have I had to admit “why me?” was not the proper question. The more appropriate question would be “why not me?” What would make me so special I could have all those risk factors and not develop the condition?

The third tenet in radical acceptance says life is worth living in spite of the pain. (I try to live a full life in spite of my ‘blurries’. I also end up with muscle aches to prove it. Somebody remind me to act my age….later.)

In fact, DBT says pain has some very positive purposes. (Now let’s not get too crazy here.)

Nietzsche really did say “that which does not kill us makes us stronger”. I wasn’t there but I take it on good faith. Jane Juza said in The Positive of Experiencing Pain that pain tends to make us appreciate the good in our lives and to seek out meaning and purpose. Frankl said the meaning and purpose in your life may be in how you endure with grace.

So, there you have it, a preview of my lesson on radical acceptance. Hope it made sense. Going to bed a little early now. I think my pain is telling me I played too hard. Information, another benefit of pain. Night!

written April 30, 2017

Continue reading “Why NOT Me?”

Attitude Adjustment

Alrightee then. End of feeling sorry for myself…for now. When the horse throws you off, you get back on and all that. It is attitude adjustment time.

Counting my ‘positive pennies’ the first half of today has been good. I tried my gown on this morning and it fit. That is a positive. I picked it up for $25 two years ago at the thrift store. It is actually a pretty gown for $25. This evening my gown and I go to the Mom Prom.

My husband dropped me off on the other side of those two, scary main roads and I rode my bike the rest of the way in to Zumba at the Y. Then I rode into town, chained my bike at the library and went to the street fair.

Since my class was putting on a demonstration, I participated. Participation is often a good thing. Afterwards I wandered around, ate fresh-cut fries and a chocolate brownie (we have discussed my dietary shortcomings; haven’t we?) Also ran into several people I know.

Back on the bike for the ride home. Coming home I passed a whole hedge of lilac bushes. I could have stood there all day and taken in the fragrance.

All told not at all bad start to my day. I may have age-related macular degeneration and central vision loss but I can still savor chocolate brownies and smell the lilacs. Oh, and they had this great group that does Chicago and Al Jarreau and all sort of music from our youth (assuming you are also on the upward side of 60!) The lead singer is excellent. I enjoyed their performance.

Attitude adjustment. Just like the three most important things in real estate are location, location, location, it appears the three most important things in keeping yourself mentally healthy with AMD are attitude, attitude, attitude.

I found a 2005 study by Jennifer Tolman et al. The study was on psychosocial adaptation to vision loss. Also on adaptation’s relationship to depression. Tolman and her people discovered it really is basically a matter of acceptance and compensation for vision loss. It is the internal experience that really counts. You know: if you believe you can’t, you can’t. If you believe you won’t, you won’t. Ya gotta believe in the possibilities in your life.

Tolman published the Adaptation to Vision Loss Scale (AVL) in her article. It consists of about 24 yes/no questions. Many of them have to do with self and personal power. It is interesting to look through. If you take it and find yourself answering as if you are powerless and/or have lost yourself, you might want to consider getting some help. Depression is a possibility.

Another thing she found related to depression was making use of services and adaptive technology, etc. I see that as a chicken and the egg sort of thing. Services make you less depressed but you have to have the motivation to go look first.

So that is pretty much it. We all have our setbacks. We just cannot wallow too long. Sometimes it is time for an attitude adjustment.

written April 29th, 2017

Continue reading “Attitude Adjustment”

Meaning and Purpose

We are about half way through the distress tolerance module for DBT group. We are working on the IMPROVE skills, the second of which is meaning.

Viktor Frankl said (actually quoting Nietzsche I recently discovered. Learn something new every day!) – to paraphrase – if you have a why to live you can pretty much survive any how. Much of life is in meaning and purpose.

We put up with all sorts of nonsense when we know why, have a personal reason, we are doing it.

When something happens that rocks us at our very foundations – let’s say sight loss, just for devilment? – we can really start to wonder about our purpose in the world and the meaning in our lives. Some people find the problem takes up so much of their time and energy they cannot break free to do anything else. They have thought they have no meaning for their existence.

Frankl came up with an answer to that question. To quote (exactly this time!): “The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity – under even the most difficult circumstances to add a deeper meaning to his life.”

In other words, sometimes the meaning that is in your life and that will allow you to endure is the grace in which you accept and deal with your fate. You don’t have to be finding the cure for cancer or saving orphans from raging flood waters, all you have to do is be an example of acceptance and endurance.

Acceptance and grace in the face of some truly crappy circumstances is the basis of several world religions. Frankl did not use the imagery of taking up your cross by accident. Some of the allure of the Easter story is Jesus’ example of acceptance and grace in a nasty situation. Being able to say “Thy will be done” is actually pretty impressive when you think about it.

So one of the things that any distress – including vision loss – can do for us is to give us the opportunity to develop grace, to transcend through acceptance (not approval or resignation). The meaning in your life becomes your quest to transcend.

Another thing distress can do is build mental and emotional “muscles”. I have one client who has endured heavy-duty mental illness. He amazed himself with how tough he could be. The meaning he gained through his trials was “I learned how tough I truly am”.

To quote Nietzsche once again, “that which does not kill us makes us stronger”. Or at least it makes us aware of the strength that was there all along. Perhaps the meaning in your pain is “I’m tough, I’m bad. Even this nonsense cannot defeat me.”

So, meaning and purpose can both be helpful in allowing you to accept and endure distress. Maybe your meaning is nothing more than showing yourself and the world you can weather the storm with grace and strength. That’s okay. “The way a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails…gives him ample opportunity…To add a deeper meaning to his life”.  Continue reading “Meaning and Purpose”

No Kidding!

I pulled a ‘dumb, blind’ chick trick yesterday. I read the time on my phone wrong and was waiting for my ride an hour ahead of time. That was bad enough but when I thought she was late, I got worried about her and started texting her. Pretty sure she was not the one with the problem!

Moral of the story would appear to be you should double-check what you think you know before acting on the ‘information’. Fortunately she thought it was amusing. I decided to laugh, too. Rule 62.

I have finally found time to go to the vision support group run by my low vision specialist. That is tomorrow afternoon. Work is in a temporary (I hope) lull and I could rearrange things a bit.

Not sure how that is going to go. My low vision person had said she wanted me to attend so some people could see you can survive and adapt with vision loss. Not sure I want to be exhibit A. I would like to help but some people get resentful when you try. See how it goes.

We all know the support of others is so important when you lose your sight. I find it sort of amusing – but sad – the medical community is just awakening to that reality. Literally yesterday in real-time, April 10, 2017 they published an article entitled Communication from Doctors Could Reduce Anxiety for Macular Degeneration Patients. Excuse me, but “no shit”. Do you think they joined our Facebook group and figured that one out?

The good folks at Manchester Eye did a study that found large levels of depression and anxiety in people getting shots for wet AMD. No…ahhhh. Never mind.

But don’t you think having a needle stuck in your eye would be a really good reason to be anxious????? Just saying, ya know.

Manchester went on to say there is “value in human interactions between clinician and patient” in offering reassurance about the treatments…..I’ll just bite my tongue and be quiet now.

Better yet, Hugo Senra, clinical psychologist, suggested there is value in specialized counseling with certain patients. All rightee, then. Cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectic behavioral therapy? How about trauma therapy? Not like they are not available most places yet the study indicated 89% of the patients showing anxiety and 91% of the ones showing depression were getting no therapy at all! Someone – actually a large number of someones – appears to be dropping the ball here.

So, yes, it does appear the anxiety and depression you are feeling about your AMD and the treatments really do exist. And yes, we are a grossly underserved population. And yes, we might actually benefit from treatment.

If you are one of those thousands and thousands of underserved folks and want psychological treatment, turn your insurance card over and call the customer service number. They should be able to provide you with a list of therapists who take your insurance. If you have no insurance, call your local mental health agency. In Pennsylvania they are called base service units. Elsewhere I have no clue about the nomenclature but if you search for public mental health providers, they should come up.

In short?……..

AMD? Depressed? Anxious? There is help. No shit. Continue reading “No Kidding!”

Putzing Around

The totally unforeseen, seldom happens occurrence happened today. I ran out of work. Weird. Something like that hardly ever happens. I NEVER get caught up but today I did. Incredible.

I did the school work I had to do. Nobody had anything else for me so I did the outside work I had in my bag (shhh, don’t tell!) and when I got that done, I just sort of sat there, dazed and amazed.

Nothing demanded my attention. There were no deadlines staring me in the face. It was a little scary.

Now, I know people who can putz around all day but one of them is not me. Putz? For those of you for whom American English is not a first language (or for whom British or Canadian or Aussie English is not a first language either, for that matter), I am back to sprinkling my speech with Yiddish again. Never realized how often I did that until I started thinking about ESL readers.

Anyway, putz as a verb means “to engage in nonproductive or inconsequential activity”. It also means something as a noun but we don’t need to go there.

To repeat, I know people who can putz around all day but one of them I am not. I am more your type A type. Goal-oriented to the core. Therefore when I don’t have an assignment, and realize a time will come when I won’t have any more assignments, I get a little scared.

The Huffington Post had an article on being mindful. The title was Why Doing Nothing is the Key to Happiness. I found it while I was having my existential crisis and had nothing to do. ( When all else fails, write a page! ?) The author suggested being might just be enough. Noticing may just be enough. We just have to be mindful of what is in front of us.

Then he said noticing requires a stillness of the mind. Aha! A goal! I can work on being still. But the problem with that is you cannot ‘catch’ stillness by running after it.

Probably need to work some more on the mindfulness thing. I tend to try too hard.

Thoreau is quoted in The Art of Doing Nothing. The concept he was espousing was not to let ourselves constantly be slaves to routines, shoulds and musts but to let our ‘instincts’ guide us. Thoreau would set out with no particular destination in mind and just see where the road led.

That might be a thought. No specific goal other than discovery. No timeline. No schedule. Exploration.

Of course, every time my husband has tried that on vacation I have gone insane with frustration. There were things I wanted to see!

All of which makes me think I am going to have a very ‘interesting’ time of it when the eyes force me to retire. Anybody know of a good how to book on putzing around? I think I am going to need it.

April 4th, 2017

Continue reading “Putzing Around”

C for Contribute

Today was not the best of days. I did entirely too much housework and there was a little difference of opinion here on the home front. Of course, you know I was right!?

Since I am now teaching distress tolerance, I tolerated my distress by doing some activities, such as preparing my lesson plan. If you have been following along on this journey you know activities are the A in ACCEPTS in Dialectic Behavior Therapy.

I then looked at my notes for the first C, contribute. The list of stuff we have on the PowerPoint all sounds like a lot of work to me. Do volunteer work? Make something? What, for heaven’s sake? I gave up being crafty in high school. Lots of invested time for needle-crafts that went in a drawer. Maybe that is why they suggested you give the stuff away!

My answer to the too much effort, too much time and need to do something because I am distressed NOW bit was random acts of kindness. Random acts of kindness have become very trendy. [Lin/Linda: there’s even a website and foundation with that name.]  They are so “now trending” that we have a random acts of kindness wall at school and someone has started a line of random acts of kindness gifts. While I tend to think that all this play is making this random acts of kindness stuff a bit schlocky (love Yiddish. It is so expressive!), there is something to be said for the original concept.

The National Civility Foundation has a civility toolkit in which they encourage 24 acts of kindness in 24 hours. They obviously believe it does something positive.

I found several lists of 100+ random acts of kindness. I took the one with 102 things because it was a regular list and would print out on three pieces of paper. Random act of kindness for the environment and my pocketbook. Ink is expensive.

One of the things suggested on the list was donating old clothing. That was one thing I actually did today. Strolled over to the church and put things in the Red Cross bin.

Which brings me to a cautionary tale. I know this went viral on the news networks so you probably saw it in the States, maybe other places, too. Anyway, a woman in the region died after she got her arm stuck in a Salvation Army donation bin. She was, shall we say, doing a ‘reverse donation’ from the bin at 2 a.m. in February. Her stool went out from under her, her arm got trapped, and she froze to death. I teeter between saying it was all very sad and saying it was poetic justice. Not that any of you people would do such a thing. I just found it amazing. The fact she was stealing from a charity while driving a Hummer makes it even more amazing.

And that, my dears, is the second C, comparison. We are all allowed to feel a little superior that we have not done anything like that. At least I hope we haven’t.

So go on out there and hold open a door. Put a coin in someone else’s parking meter. Smile at a stranger. And if you go to the clothing donation bin? The stuff goes IN the bin.

written April 1, 2017

Continue reading “C for Contribute”

Keep On Keeping On

I gave a client “there is nothing else you can do” speech today. I told him if his relative is not a danger to himself or others, he could not force him into treatment. Doesn’t matter if he is in communication with the fairy people or if he sees the devil in the fireplace, there is nothing my client can do to force him into treatment.

People hate that speech. My client told me he hated when people said that to him. We like to believe in our efficacy, our power. “There has to be a way! Maybe I can try harder, find a better argument, something.”

Accepting there are some things you are not able to influence is a bitter pill.

In at least that way, you folks who have wet AMD are ‘better off’ than those of us who have dry. At least you folks get to actively participate in your own treatment. Granted, getting a shot in the eye is not my idea of a good time, but it is something. We folks with dry AMD get to do…..nothing.

How do you sit there and do nothing when everything is falling apart around you? The thought that you may have to endure for years and years and have no recourse is terrifying for people.

I have talked about the distress tolerance skills but, since this came up and we are actually teaching distress tolerance, I want to revisit it. Distress tolerance skills are not ways of ‘fixing’ anything. They won’t make my client’s relative to not be psychotic and they won’t give me 20/20 vision. What they are are strategies for enduring.

With distress tolerance skills, we get to hunker down and survive the storm, not make the storm go away.

Also said this before but I will say it again: one of the tenets of DBT is “I am doing as well as I can, but I can do better”. No one wants to be a screw-up. We can pretty much guarantee that under their present state of circumstances, most people will be doing the best they can. Given new circumstances and a new skill set, they can do better.

How that figures in here is that I don’t want you to think that using distress tolerance skills to endure means you stop trying. Offered a viable treatment, I, for one, would take it in a heartbeat. Treatment would be the new skill set and how I could ‘do better’. However, until that day comes, I am stuck enduring.

There are several pages on which I talk about the DBT skills IMPROVE and ACCEPTS. IMPROVE skills are used when we are in the midst of a crisis. The letters stand for imagery, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing in the moment, vacation and encouragement. [Click here for one of Sue’s past pages on IMPROVE.] ACCEPTS skills are used when we are trying to endure in the long term. The letters stand for activities, comparison, contribute, opposite to emotion, pushing away, thoughts and sensations. [Click here for one of Sue’s past pages on ACCEPTS.]

Lin will probably put the links in, but if not, just search the keywords. There really is something you can do when there is nothing to be done.

Keep on keeping on. Continue reading “Keep On Keeping On”

I Survived the Blizzard of ’17

I survived the blizzard of ‘17!

Not that big a deal but it sounds impressive.

Beastie Baby is generally beside herself, though. Her doggie door is snowed closed and she cannot go for her walk on the tractor path we often use. The snow is just about over her pointy, little head. All of the ‘pee mail’ she wants to answer is under two feet of snow.

Every time we go out she looks around at the snow and then looks at me as if to say “What is going on here? Where is my world?”

It would appear a number of people feel that way, too. Going through town my husband and I noticed dozens of houses that looked like no one had ventured out in the last 36 hours. No attempt at snow removal. No footprints. Nada. Closed until Spring.

Perhaps we are just the intrepid types. Sounds better than saying we are too dumb to get in out of a blizzard; yes? We were the only people to go to the recycling center. I had called. Really, I did. The message said open Wednesday 7 to 5, but it wasn’t. Open, that is. I asked the guy plowing if we could still sort and leave our recycling and he directed us to the back door. One job done.

I was going to write this page on the fine art of asking for a favor, but it turns out the rules in WikiHow are just about identical to the rules we went over in another page (Kicking and Screaming).

Then we were the only customers in Subway. The police came in as we were leaving, but they have to be out on the roads. They are always intrepid.

Then we were the only customers at AAA. When we walked in they were taking pictures of one another! I guess it was to commemorate the occasion of their all being intrepid souls and getting to work.

The online dictionary gives as synonyms for intrepid the following: fearless, unafraid, undaunted, unflinching, bold, etc. I think you’ve got the idea. The essential concept there is overcoming fear. Probably something we should cultivate in dealing with AMD.

Back to the web, I discovered an article entitled 33 Powerful Ways of Overcoming Fear….Right Now. The article runs down the usual suspects. You know, being aware you are afraid, identifying what you are afraid of, journaling, talk therapy. It also talks about some stuff I have never heard of like Emotional Freedom Technique and the Sedona Method. Unfortunately, you can get the ones I have never heard of for “only four monthly payments of….!” Ignore those. They are apparently the way the author pays for his site. Pay attention to the ones he offers for free. [Lin/Linda: You can actually check out the Sedona Method for free, click here.]

Remember, free is one of my favorite words.

Another online article I found was entitled 5 Sure-fire Ways to Overcome Fear and Anxiety Today. This article goes over the basics and uses some of the DBT techniques. It also has its own, catchy acronym: AWARE. This stands for accept, watch, act normally, repeat and expect the best. Accept is the same as DBT and watch is DBT’s observe. Watch/ observe allows you to get comfortable with the fear and the fear to extinguish. That is psychology talk for go away.

This page has gotten a little long. Maybe get back to this topic later. I am apparently going to have some time. Just got the call. No school again tomorrow!

Written March 15th, 2017 Continue reading “I Survived the Blizzard of ’17”

Adventure Girl

Nine days after the ‘big storm’ and I am still struggling to get back to my routine. I think I am back and something tosses me out again. My ride cannot take me as planned. My third job wants me to work and I cannot get back to town in time for activities. Etc. Etc. I am getting very weary of having my life in a jumble.

Recently I have either been hustling to make other arrangements on the fly – cannot very easily stay at school all night! – or just trying to accept the situation is what it is and I must deal with staying home or doing without or whatever. All of which takes a LOT of mental energy.

I know I have mentioned the value of routine, but I just looked and did not see a page dedicated to it. Guess I should change that.

I am an ‘adventure’ girl. When the nephews were small, adventures were standard fare. That said, I also value predictability in life. Adventures are fun because they stand in contrast to the mundane and routine. It is, in fact, a dialectic. One helps to define the other. Without one the other cannot exist.

Routine is a necessary part of life. It structures us and ‘pulls’ us along in our day. With routine, you don’t really have to think about it but your days get filled with meaningful activity.

In 2010 when 33 Chilean miners were trapped underground for 69 days they survived and maintained reasonable levels of sanity and civility by establishing work schedules and routines. Pretty amazing.

Routine can help in smaller crises, too. (AMD may not be a walk in the park, but it is not being buried meters and meters below ground either!) People agree that routine can structure your existence. It gives you a consistent direction and you are able to act instead of constantly making decisions and new arrangements. The mental energy you save by not having to decide what happens next can be channeled into areas that it is really needed or even into doing something creative.

When you have a routine things just seem to flow one into the next, building momentum and reducing the need for willpower. Besides the article I have been quoting, Why Having a Daily Routine is Important, I also found a number of online articles that recommended routine as a way to battle depression. Why? Structure. Momentum. Not having to think about what comes next.

Routine can get you going even if getting going is the last thing you want to do.

No, I am not depressed but I would really like my routine back. I like pretty much knowing where I am going and what I will do when I get there. I don’t like having to improvise again and again when things are not running smoothly. I am flexible but prefer not to be bending over backwards or wriggling through knotholes too very often.

Having a strong set of habits and routines that I liked and wanted to get back to was helpful in February, 2016 when I lost my second eye and things went to crap for a while. Routine may help you in the same way. Worth a try.

written March 24th, 2017

Continue reading “Adventure Girl”

Stop Procrastination…NOW!

And a pleasant good afternoon to you all! I am in a good mood. The really good news is – drum roll, please! – I found my iPad! I had this mini epiphany. I remembered I had a bag with a test in it also in my rolling crate. The little devil was hiding in there. “Reunited and it feels so good!” Anyone remember Peaches and Herb? [We haven’t had a music reference for some time.  Click here for Reunited by Peaches and Herb.] Possibly one hit wonders. Dunno.

Anyway, once again I am the example of what not to do. Do not fail to activate find my iPad. Having done that would have saved me grief.

Second happy thought: I skied all afternoon yesterday….detour here. Why does autocorrect always want to turn skied into smoked? Insidious plot by the tobacco companies? Subliminal suggestions? Weird.

Back on track. I skied all afternoon! Daughter of a friend drove about 40 miles to come for me and then another 40 miles to take me to the ski area. Bless her soul.  Yes, I paid her way. It was a win-win situation. She who does not have a lot of money got her way paid. She with no way to get there got a ride. I can live with that.

Another good thing: I was cross-country skiing this afternoon. My dog walk was a dog ski. Should be able to go several more times in the next week. Did I mention the weather is freaky? We have gone from 70 degrees in February to a predicted blizzard in March. Nor’easter said to be on its way. Again, weird.

Please note I am rambling. I don’t want to work in my taxes and I would probably do anything that is not illegal, immoral or fattening to get out of it right now.

Wait, nix fattening. I have exercised a lot this weekend.

Procrastination was a lovely little invention. Seth Gillihan writing for Psychology Today said people procrastinate because a) it is going to be a pain or b) they fear they might not do a good job or c) both a and b.

In other words, things we procrastinate on are generally just plain uncomfortable. Procrastinating is rewarding because we can pretend that we have ‘dodged the bullet’. In psychology talk that is negative reinforcement, i.e. removal of something negative that increases the chances of the action that removed the negative of happening again. That was a little convoluted but you can check the link for clarification.

Gillihan has a list of ways to avoid procrastination. I plan on doing some of them. I am going to accept (DBT alert!) the cursed things have to be done and consciously decide to start. I have already gotten pieces of the process done so it should be more manageable. Accountability is already there. The accountant and the IRS see to that. I could probably find someway to reward myself.

That leaves two of his ideas: make a space to work and have a time and reminders. I could probably work on them right here. A time? We probably won’t have school Tuesday. How about then?!??

What? Why not? You guys really are no fun!? Continue reading “Stop Procrastination…NOW!”

Kvetch, Kvetch, Kvetch

Kvetch. Kvetch. I feel like complaining. it was one of ‘those days’. There was craziness with the van schedule and then the driver decided to take the ‘scenic route’ to school. I saw parts of the county I have not seen in years.

Then my friend with whom I walk and who drops me off for yoga had to cancel. Then my ride home from school had to unexpectedly take her son to the doctor. Just scrambling all day long. Plan B. Plan C. Plan D. Thank God I have options but it was still aggravating!

So, I decided to write this page on the fine art of bitching. Never knew it was an art? Allow me to complain….er, explain.

Complaining, when done properly, has some real positive outcomes. Robin Kowalski of Clemson University has been studying complaining and she pointed out some of the most basic, positive outcomes of complaining are sympathy and attention. I had a mini pity party outside my office when I got to school today. Two of my colleagues sympathized and laughed at my van misadventure. Felt better.

Complaining can be cathartic and provide emotional release. Another researcher, James Pennebaker from the University of Texas has studied complaining through journaling and found it improved the mental health of people who had experienced a traumatic event. He hypothesized the complaining helped to focus and organize the traumatic experience so it could be better dealt with.

Conversely, those who hold their concerns inside can experience negative consequences. Chronic stress and related health problems can be the result.

Some people use complaining for impression management. You know: “it is so damp in the Hamptons this time of the year! I think I will have the staff prepare the jet and go to the Palm Springs house.”  Don’t you just love those people? Their complaints get their point across, though. I am used to better than this!

Kowalski  pointed out complaining should have a purpose. People who complain with the hope of achieving a result are actually, on the whole, happier people. She also found people with higher self-esteem complain more, possibly because they have had some success with their complaining.

Kowalski set out a few guidelines for effective complaining.  It is important to know when to complain and whom to complain to. The most effective types of complaints take place when the complainer uses logic and facts. He has an idea of what his intended outcome is  and he is complaining to someone who has the power and authority to make the changes.

I have to admit my primary reason for kvetching all day was to vent. Can’t do anything about sick secretaries or sick kids. There were no ‘intended outcomes’ for my complaints there. I just felt like I was being pecked to death by ducks and I needed some sympathy.

And you know what? That’s okay, too.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, and THEN do you know what happened? Really!?!… Continue reading “Kvetch, Kvetch, Kvetch”

The More I Like My Dog

“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.” – Mark Twain

“When things go wrong, don’t go with them. ” Elvis Presley

I am still kvetching. I got the new washer. Then I had to replace a well pump at my first rental. I cannot complain about the longevity of the pump (just the price!), but the washer?

What happened to the days that major appliances lasted more than five years? What happened to pride in what you produce?

Thursday morning I was arguing with my second rental tenant via text. “Yes, you owe me at least four month’s rent. I need a check!” Twenty minutes later I get a phone call from a woman asking me to give him a credit reference! Amazing. Reality check. Why would you list someone you owe money to as a credit reference?

This morning I was rushing out to the van. I threw my iPad Mini into my rolling crate. Later when I looked for it at the office, it was nowhere to be found. I am sick about this. There were photos and a lot of apps on that machine. The dispatcher at the transportation company could not have cared less. Would it have killed him to FAKE some sympathy? What happened to customer service?

As much as I generally love and praise people, there are some times I dislike them quite a bit. Quite a bit. Have a series of less than happy encounters and you can be rolling downhill on a slippery slope.

I have talked about the DBT concept of turning the mind a little bit but not in-depth. Turning the mind is a distress tolerance skill. It involves making the conscious choice to turn towards acceptance of a bad situation (acceptance being the first step towards change) or simply to turn towards positive functioning. A 2006 study found that approximately 40% of happiness may be determined by intentionally engaging in positive thoughts and activities. A statistic like that makes taking the happy path look pretty appealing. Even when you are not feeling it.

Realizing I was in a foul mood – and there being fresh snow! This weather is so flippin’ weird – I put on my cross-country skis and tried to ski. Very wet snow so I was sticking badly. A couple of times I had ‘platform skis’ with three inches of snow stuck to the bottom! Back to the house for the silicon spray and a second attempt.

This is another aspect of turning the mind: it doesn’t just happen once. Every time you come to a decision point, somewhere you could spiral down or turn towards acceptance and the more positive adjustment, you have to choose all over again. Again and again and again. Health is a choice we have to keep making over and over again.

So I accepted the snow was very wet and I needed silicon spray. Lots of spray and a few passes along the same path and I was doing my version of zipping along. No spray and no trail breaking? That would be not accepting reality and no zipping along. Zippy is good. Trying to move on ‘platform skis’ is not.

My tablet? I haven’t totally given up. I am going to talk to the drivers but I ordered a new one. The reality is mine is nowhere to be found. Not accepting that means no apps that I need to help me out. Accepting it may be gone allows me to try to solve the problem.

People? Oh, might as well accept it. Lots of them are idiots. Didn’t you know? ?

P.S. You can set up your iPad so it can send you an SOS when it is lost or stolen. It is in the systems menu. I will do that with the new one!  [Lin/Linda here: you do have to set this up BEFORE you loose your iPhone or iPad.  Click here for those instructions and also how to use the Find My iPhone app.  You can do something similar with Android devices, click here for more information.] Continue reading “The More I Like My Dog”

Out of Gas

I ran out of gas about an hour ago. Right now I am coasting into an early bedtime pretty much on fumes.

It has been a busy week! Sunday I attended two, blues concerts in a local town. The region is trying to be a destination for those who enjoy the arts. Doing well on that goal. Monday I skied for four hours and did hip hop class for an hour. Work, doggie walks, a little housework and a few more exercises classes later and I am fried. Extra crispy.

There is a doubleheader, yoga class tomorrow afternoon. I would love to go, but I am not going. My knees are whimpering. There are things to do at home. I am ready for a semi-restful day right where I am. Home.

I love being busy but there is such a thing as balance. Just like I cannot sit and stare at the walls 24/7, I cannot go screaming, full tilt 24/7 either. Every once in a while I need to say ‘enough’. (OK, it generally is I say ‘too much’ but you get my drift.)

Many of you may feel you get too much downtime but rest is not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. Going back to dialectic philosophy (who said this site is not educational?!?!??), opposites define one another. You cannot understand the light unless you have experienced the dark. We need an appreciation of both to truly understand either.

So, if you are getting too much down time? Rev it up! Too much going on? Calm it down a bit. You know your own balance point.

As I said, rest is not a bad thing. While you may see Sanja Gupta and Deepak Chopra as more media folk than experts, they do make a few good points. Quoted in 4 Surprising Benefits of Rest, these gentleman point out there is a lot of you that doesn’t get any attention when you are too busy with outside events. Give yourself time to experience yourself and see what is inside.  Rest can also help you be a better problem solver.

Going on to more – what? Mundane? Practical? – reason for rest, you need sleep to consolidate new learning. A dozen different sites will tell you sleeping after study will give you a better chance of retaining the knowledge. Exercise tears down muscles but a rest day allows your body to build them back up. Bigger! Stronger! Better! Rest reduces stress which reduces the stress hormone, cortisol, which helps you lose weight.  Also, without sleep, your organs all shut down pretty much at one time and you die. Ugh. Pretty practical reason for sleep. (Why? They are working on that but so far it is looking like sleep is when the housekeeping unit goes to work in your brain. Without sleep and cleaning, everything goes on the fritz in the control center that is your brain. Massive organ shut down. The end.)

So yes, I am now going to exercise in a different manner. I am exercising discretion, getting a nice, long night of sleep and taking tomorrow to stay home, get some things done and not do any strenuous exercise.

activity<–>BALANCE<–>rest

Continue reading “Out of Gas”

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