Category: Cognitive Therapy

Bingo!

I just came from a three-hour, Bingo benefit for the teacher who has cancer. It was an excellent turn-out. 150 people. There were 75 items for the raffle. This is a good area with good people.

Comparison skill. Remember ACCEPTS of distress tolerance?  People do not have to help me pay my bills so I can concentrate on trying to save my life. I am a ‘mature’ (yeah, sure) adult who could retire on state teachers’ disability and social security now if needed. Life waited to bite me in the butt.

And compared to what she has going on, AMD is a little nip. Comparatively speaking, I am just great!

Second distress tolerance skill: contribute. I paid my $20 and played Bingo. I spent $10 on raffle tickets. The same raffle tickets I had actually purchased and donated. Contributing is a way of forgetting things are not so great for you either. It also makes you feel like you are in the fight, even if it is not your particular battle. In other words, I cannot cure my eye problems, but I can help this teacher get travel money and grocery money and whatever she might need to pursue her cure.

To quote from the Mental Health Foundation, altruism is associated with all sorts of positive things. They include a decreased sense of hopelessness, less depression, increased self-esteem and better physical health. Altruistic people even have better marriages.

Berkleywellness.com tells us altruistic people have longer lives than people who do not practice helping and giving. Some of the theorists thought this was due totally to the social engagement factor.  Not so. Just the interaction is helpful, yes, but at the end of day, being the one doing the helping has the greater benefit. Something to do with having a purpose in life. We circled back around to Viktor Frankl again. Remember “if you have a why, you can tolerate any how”?

So altruism is good stuff. Now moving on to perhaps more frivolous topics, I put an Ott light at the end of my ironing board. I think I am doing better in seeing colors with the increased illumination. At least I matched today. Hopefully this fix will work for a while. I hate being mismatched!

Bingo. I had not played in years but it went OK. Most of the time I was playing four cards at one time. My friend was sort of looking over my shoulder. In 20 games she corrected me one time. Not too bad.

We used the disposable, paper cards and dabbers. I could see the numbers with bare eyes but I experimented and my handheld reader would have been an option as well. Not so much the magnifier on the iPad. For that I would have had to bring the Justand. Too many wobbles over three hours.

One of the issues I had was dealing with the different layouts of each card. Having a few cards that were consistent game to game would have been nice. I looked guess where [Lin/Linda here: starts with an a, followed by amazon.com ::smile::] and large print Bingo cards are about $4 apiece. You can also avoid the Bingo chips sliding dilemma by paying significantly more and getting a plastic board with sliding panels on each number. I cannot believe anyone would object to your bringing your own cards. It is not cheating.

So how did I do? I did not go “Bingo!” but I did win a turkey fryer in the raffle. I brought it home to my husband but he doesn’t want it. Probably re-gift it to another raffle. Does THAT come under the heading of altruism? Maybe not. Continue reading “Bingo!”

Name That Emotion, the Prequel!

I admit it. Occasionally the mind – shall we say – slips. I swear I wrote this page to come before the one on naming emotions we just published. Lin says no. My search engines say no. Apparently the answer is…no. I was delusional.

So, here it is….Name that Emotion, the Prequel!

Emotional regulation a la DBT says we need to know what we feel before we can regulate it. DBT also recognizes many people are out of touch with themselves and do not know what they are feeling. Thus, DBT teaches how to recognize emotions.

The way this is done is by being an emotion detective. We need to look at the situation in which we had the mystery emotion. What emotion do you think other people would experience under those circumstances? That is your first clue.

Next comes your interpretation of the event. Believe me; nothing is ever straightforward! Depending upon what thoughts are going on in the other person’s head and what memories and interpretations you are stirring up, just saying “nice day, it’s it?” can get you in a load of trouble! Those interconnections we make to things are important.

paperdolls
Body maps highlighting emotions and their corresponding bodily sensation patterns

Third step:  your head may not know what you are feeling, but your body does! A 2013 study published in PNAS indicated people across a variety of cultures all colored their ’emotional paper dolls’ (my term) pretty much the same way. Depression felt heavy in the arms and legs. Pride swelled the chest. The article offers examples of a number of different feelings all mapped out on the ‘paper dolls’.

What is cool about this is the fact that emotions are not cultural. They are universal to the species and we feel them pretty much all the same way. (I am resisting the urge to type the words to “It’s a Small World” here…but it is). If we all experience emotions in our body pretty much the same way, that means we can all scan our bodies to decide what we are feeling.

The last thing we need to do is to look at the aftermath of the emotion. Different emotions have different impulses attached to them. These are what are called ‘action urges’. So, if you say you are looking forward to spending the day with great-aunt Tillie and you are constantly late? You are deluding yourself and probably don’t like spending time with the old girl. The after effects of situations are very telling, too.

And that is pretty much how we can help ourselves identify what we are feeling. Identifying true emotions is a good thing. Being emotionally aware can lead to more stable relationships and better problem-solving strategies.

There are also some really cool neurocognitive benefits of being able to recognize and label your emotions. I will cover these on the next page. Ooops! I already did!

Continue reading “Name That Emotion, the Prequel!”

Here and Now

I did two intake interviews for DBT today. Got me into the mind-set and I decided to take out my teaching notes.

I think somewhere along the line I shared that we start each module with a review of mindfulness. Just found a quote that says (paraphrasing): “Levels of feelings of well-being are related to how often your mind is actually on what you are doing.” In other words, the more mindful you are the more well-being you feel (Jennifer R. Wolkin, 2014).

So let’s start with a definition of well-being. According to Merriam Webster: “well-being is the state of being happy, healthy or successful.” I sort of think most of us reading this page would like a little more of that state.

I know I would. For as healthy a self-concept as I have, there are days I am miserable and struggling. Those days one of my favorite thoughts is there has to be a better way to live my life. I am OBVIOUSLY doing something wrong. I just can’t figure out what it is. Life should be more emotionally and financially rewarding. It should not be such a struggle. It should be more fun!

The problem is I am actually doing OK. I just ruminate about things I cannot change.

Rumination, according to Wikipedia, is the compulsively focused attention on the causes and possible negative consequences of a situation. It has its roots once again in Latin. It is related to the word for “cows chewing their cud”. Creatures that swallow food but then bring it back up to chew again are ruminant animals. Not very attractive an image but it is an apt analogy.

In ruminant animals the process is necessary to digest some tough vegetation. It is not necessary in human thought and emotions. It is in fact dangerous for your mental and social well-being.

Dwelling on the negative, simply put, is not good for you! Nor does anyone want to be around someone who is always worried and down.

Many experts are saying mindfulness is the cure for rumination. Extrapolating from that, it can also be a pretty good treatment for depression and other nastiness.

Mindfulness says to focus on the here and now. Not the past and not the future. We have minimal control over the past and the future so there is little sense in worrying about them. The only part of time we have any chance of influencing is now.

I am not saying not to plan and prepare. That is not what mindfulness means. Long-term goals are great but we work in and focus on things in the present to get there.

So, yeah. Mindfulness keeps us working on the present task. It keeps us from ruminating on the past and future, which we cannot control and it increases feelings of well-being as well as decreasing feelings of depression.

The Buddha, the philosopher and teacher formerly know as Prince…Siddhartha Gautama ?, said we are to walk when we walk and eat when we eat. And that, at core, is mindfulness.

Think about what you are doing now, at this place, at this moment. That is the path to greater feelings of well-being. Continue reading “Here and Now”

The Meaning of Life

“To decide whether life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question of philosophy.” – Albert Camus

How do you like THAT for an opening?

I have two intakes for new DBT students this week. I start teaching again in about five weeks. It has gotten my head thinking of how to vary my presentation a bit.

I realized I have not emphasized the stated goal of DBT training. It is to help people create a life worth living. When I looked up “life worth living” I found Camus. Whoa. Heavy. Deep.

Camus – apparently, I have never read his work –  talks about the biggies. He questions who we are, where and even whether we can find meaning (remember Viktor Frankl?)  and what we can really know about ourselves and the world. Like I said: Heavy. Very deep.

Let’s paddle back up to the shallow end of the pool and see how any of this might relate to us and DBT. What I found was a sort of superficial resemblance. DBT does not hit the existential questions. After skimming a lot of articles I pretty much decided a life worth living in DBT terms is whatever you decide it should be! Whatever floats your boat. Whatever makes you happy. You get the drift.

The thing is, DBT was devised to help some pretty desperate people. These were and are people who have lives so out of control they have been repeatedly suicidal. They have discovered the skills they do have do not work in the greater world. They are pretty much adrift…..and I am using a LOT of water references!

The thought of being rudderless (giggle, giggle. Forgive me. I know I am shameless) brought me to a bit of an epiphany: DBT is about putting the client in control of his own life! It teaches skill in the important areas (at least to Linehan). DBT teaches control of your own mental and emotional being through mindfulness. It further teaches emotional self-control through emotional regulation. Clients gain power over their social relationships through interpersonal effectiveness and they learn to weather the storm better through distress tolerance. All pretty good stuff. Where it takes you is up to you and what you value.

The question then, I assume, becomes a question not of the meaning of life but of how we can meet our own personal goals so we can get satisfaction out of life.

Another quote:

“There may be constraints on what your life can look like, but there are no constraints on whether your life is worth living.” – Marsha Linehan

In other words, we may not be able to accomplish everything we used to or would like to accomplish with AMD but we can find ways to control our beings and relationship with the world. We can still get some satisfaction out of life. Still want to BE here. DBT teaches many of the skills we need to have that happen.

Another quote (actually a quote of a paraphrase):
“The demand for happiness and the patient quest of it….isn’t a luxury or a mere need but an existential duty.” (Brian Pickings paraphrasing Camus)

There it is. Go out and seek a life worth living even with your limitations. You would not want to disappoint Camus; would you? Continue reading “The Meaning of Life”

Preconceived Notions

“Use your best judgment.”  “Where was your judgment?!?” “How dumb of you!”

All your life people tell you that you have to be judgmental and now I say don’t be. Where am I coming from?

Judgment has its place. Where would Little Red Riding Hood have been if she had not used her judgment? Little Red stew coming up! But sometimes being judgmental is not a good thing.

The purpose of the duck/rabbit exercise was to demonstrate how limiting preconceived notions – judgments about how things are going to be – actually are. You expected to see a duck. Lin cued you to see a duck in her post. I suspect many of you had to really look for the rabbit. With the judgment of what ‘should’ be there, you missed what could be there.

Bringing it a little closer to home. What were your preconceived notions about life with AMD? How about “My life will become very limited”? Now if that was your preconceived notion of your future, would you have reached out and tried to still be involved? If you thought that was the way it ‘should’ be, I rather doubt you would have. However, the truth of the matter is, things don’t have to be that way. You just were not open to seeing the rabbit – the alternatives – because you had accepted the duck – your preconceived judgment of how things should be. You saw what ‘should’ be there instead of what could be there.

Judgments can get in the way of acceptance. Remember the dialectic is “we cannot change that which we do not accept”. Accepting there is something wrong is the first step to getting it fixed.

The example I used before was the judgment fear is for wusses. I am not a wuss therefore I am not afraid. That fear is for wusses is a judgmental statement that keeps the fear from being acknowledged and the cause dealt with.

How about this: “My vision got really cloudy all of a sudden. Weak people are always running to the doctor. I am not weak so it is probably nothing. I will wait for my appointment next week.” Is that judgment going to lead to acceptance and getting the problem fixed? I would say not.

Another way we use judgment is to put ourselves down. How many times have you heard someone declare he cannot dance? He declares he has two left feet and sits on the side instead of getting up…to get down. Self judgments make us very self-conscious.

We ignore a whole universe of coulds because of the shoulds: people with two left feet should avoid the dance floor. What fun is that?

Which brings us to the last ‘what’ skill, participation. I am just going to do a few words on participation but it is basically this: jump in with both feet and dance like no one is watching.

Do things with wild abandon. Ignore the shoulds. Ignore the critical little voice judging you and dance.

Sometimes judgments can be damned.

OK, does that better explain the Duck or Rabbit page? Don’t hesitate to leave your comments.

Continue reading “Preconceived Notions”

What?

This page is a rehash of the duck/rabbit and the DBT ‘What’ skill of describe. It will also hit on a little no-no called being judgmental. These are extremely tough concepts. I was told someone did not get it, meaning a number of someones did not get it.

Bringing me to my first thank you. Thank you for speaking up. In group I can (sort of) see the blank looks. Can’t do that in cyberspace.

Secondly, thank you for saving me from myself! I already had two rooms cleaned, two loads of laundry run and the second load of dishes in. The domestic goddess impersonation was getting out of hand!

Third thank you for the compliment on my teaching abilities. You are too kind.

OK. I will probably break this into two or three pages because I have already talked too much, but let’s start with ‘what’ skills in DBT. What skills are ‘what we have to do to be mindful’. They are each done in three ways: one-mindfully, effectively and non-judgmentally. These are the ‘how’ skills.

The first ‘what’ skill is observe. This is really hard because we are a language-oriented species. Observe is to take everything about something in without using words. No labels. No descriptions. My favorite example of this is an infant. You parents, etc, know that look that basically says “I don’t know what it is, but it sure is interesting!”?  That is observe. He does not have labels to categorize it or words to describe it, but he is taking it all in. Observe has no words and no categories.

Why is observe important? It lets us take in everything and reject nothing. There is a saying in martial arts to the effect:

“with the beginner there are many possibilities.  With the master, there are only a few.”

Sometimes phenomenal discoveries are made by the young because they don’t know enough to know where they should be exploring. They explore everywhere and find things the experts miss.

Describe has words but no categories. You simply describe what you see. Google ‘messy room photo’. The one I use is the one with the white teddy bear on the bunk-bed ladder. Can you describe it without categorizing or passing judgment? It takes practice! Describe is: the bear is white and red. The bear is on the ladder. There is a cup on the dresser.

Judgment is: “it is an awfully messy room! It is probably a girl’s room because of the purse and teddy bear. She is a girly sort of girl but she is a real slob!”

How does this relate to us and mental health? Excellent question! Suppose that picture was not a room but your mind. You just got your diagnosis of AMD and you are in a tizzy. How helpful is it to say “My mind is a mess! I am a mess! It is awful how befuddled I am! I should not be this way!” I would say not very helpful.

Now suppose instead you observe what is going on:

“My heart is racing. My stomach is upset. That was a thought about my car. That was a thought about my job.”

Does describing sensations and thoughts sound like a better plan? I believe it is.

At over 500 words now. Let’s do judgment on the next page. Continue reading “What?”

Song of the Lark

Allow me to reiterate: I hate mornings. I hate getting up before the sun. My body feels like death warmed over. I cannot really eat much. I am in slow motion.

This morning I was picked up around 7 again. I was going 20 minutes away and did not have to be there until 8:30. It was a total and complete pain.

Unfortunately, no one is going to change for me. I think I actually talked to a management type at the transit company. Forbid my sexist attitude but over the years I have discovered men don’t usually answer phones and schedule rides for a living. He was all smiles and platitudes and had no intention of doing a damn thing about my morning problem. Fat lot of help he was.

If I am going to survive a life full of mornings I am going to have to change a few habits. Tough job that.

I found a 29 point tip list on Zen Habits. The author is Leo Babauta. Not sure I would like him. He talks about how he lost weight and ran three marathons. He also became organized, focused and out of debt. Really? I have to admit I like my people with a few rough edges. Makes me feel more at home.

Anyway, my personal preferences aside, Leo put forth a list of things that I can do to make myself into a morning person. You can refer to it in total if you are making some hard habit changes but I will just highlight a few things in the….250….words I have left (remember reading takes some of us 6x as long now!)

First, I need to remember KISS: keep it simple, stupid. No elaborate plans. Also, just one habit at a time. If I want to get out the door faster, I should just start by picking out my clothes the night before or going to bed earlier or filling the dishwasher at night, not in the morning. Don’t try to do it all at once.

I can also start small. Aim to get to bed 15 minutes earlier, not two hours!

Making it real can help. Writing it all down can make it more real. It also helps to tell other people. That way you are more accountable and you have someone to nag you.

Another thing he suggested was to be aware of self talk. I complain loudly and identify myself as a night owl. I like listening to my little, hooty buddy a lot more than I enjoy the song of the lark. Unfortunately those thoughts are not going to help me to become a morning person. I need to turn my mind (DBT alert!) towards becoming a morning person and away from my identity as a night owl.

Leo has a couple of dozen more idea on breaking habits. Check them out at the source.

For me? I just got a reprieve. The van comes at 8:15!

Continue reading “Song of the Lark”

I Have Macular Degeneration…Now What?

June 2023 There’s an announcement that since Sue has not written any new journal pages for some time, the site has been archived until we can decide if the work necessary to make sure all information is accurate and up-to-date can be made. In the meantime, you’ll get some pages ‘not found’ or ‘private’ until that decision has been made. The emphasis for several years has been on the Facebook group.

Where can I quickly find information about AMD?

One of the best resources available is from the Prevent Blindness organization’s website called Guide Me.  You answer a few questions and you will get a personalized guide with important aspects of AMD based on your answers:

Click here to go to Guide Me.

Click here to watch a 4-minute video that explains what AMD is, what causes it, and what can be done about it.

Click here for a good list of Frequently Asked Questions.

Click here to go to a great site maculardegeneration.net where you will find articles written by people with macular degeneration and caregivers. They also have a Facebook page.

What other websites are helpful?

Here are some of our favorites:

Click here to find out should I take the AREDS or AREDS2 supplements?

Click here for a video that covers important information about AMD

Click here for a description of dry vs. wet AMD (we are not recommending any products in this article, but be aware that the site may profit from some products they advertise.)

Click here for an explanation of the stages of AMD (we are not recommending any products in this article, but be aware that the site may profit from some products they advertise.)

Click here to read about what happens if you have AMD in only one eye

Click here for some answers to common questions about depression after diagnosis

Click here for an article about how vision rehabilitation helps prevent long-term depression

Click here for a very comprehensive page about wet AMD

Click here for a very comprehensive page about dry AMD

Click here for an article about how fast AMD progresses

Click here for 10 questions to ask your doctor

Click here to find a support group (I’ve been told that this site may not be up-to-date. Ask your eye specialist for a referral.)

Click here for eye-healthy foods including a Healthy Vision Grocery List (2/14/2022 site wasn’t formatting properly.) Click here to read the answer to the question ‘What should I be eating or not eating to hopefully slow the progression of my AMD?’

Click here to find out what vision changes/symptoms to look for (we are not recommending any products in this article, but be aware that the site may profit from some products they advertise.)

Click here to find out about the people who can help you (what are the differences between the types of eye doctors, do I need to see a specialist, etc)

Click here for tips on how to make the most of the vision you have (section toward the bottom of the page; lots of other good information on the whole page)

Click here for a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) from the Macular Disease Foundation Australia.

Click here for a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) from our Facebook group.

Where can I do more research?

You can do searches on the Internet – there is a LOT of information there.  We have done a lot of research and here’s how you can find it.

Click here to go to How to Navigate and Search Our Website.

Join our very active Facebook group Our Macular Degeneration Journey. There’s lots more information there as well as support whenever you need it.

How do I move around on the website?

Click here to go to How to Navigate and Search Our Website.

To find about more about me, about Sue, about our project, go to the menu at the top of the page.

Reviewed 02/14/2022

 

 

 

 

Grandma’s Reindeer

This time next week I am supposed to be on a plane to Reykjavik. First thing I want you to notice is in the last week I have learned how to spell Reykjavik correctly. The second thing I want you to note is in real-time it is the end of August and Iceland just had two reasonably substantial earthquakes ….and they expect a volcanic eruption in the near future.

My husband thinks this is utterly cool. He would like a front seat to an apocalypse. I would like to see an eruption as long as nothing gets hurt. You know, like in a movie: no animals were killed or injured in the making of this extravaganza.

With my luck, I will be in the way when the caribou decide to make a mad dash for it. You know the song about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer? Yep. That would be me.

Besides thinking about living a bad Christmas song, I have been thinking about everything that has to be done before I leave. I have work to finish at two places of employment. I need to go to the pharmacy and the bank. The list of things I want to see in Iceland is only half done. Packing has hardly been given a thought, etc, etc.

It is enough to make a girl crawl into a fetal position in the corner and hyperventilate….which reminded me. I told you I had had panic attacks when this mess first started but we never really talked about the ‘delightful’ things. According to the Mayo Clinic a panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions. They happen in the absence of any obvious danger and often come “out of the blue”. There is no good theory for why some people have panic attacks and others don’t. There are theories about genetics and temperament. Major life changes, stress or trauma can put you at risk for panic attacks.

I never had one until I started to lose my vision. Then I had a time I was having four or five a day. Symptoms included a lot of autonomic nervous system stuff like rapid heart rate and hyperventilating not to mention the feeling of impending doom and fear. Like I said, ‘delightful’.

I treated mine with good drugs. If you are having panic attacks, run, don’t walk to your doctor for anxiety medication. Many of you won’t need to be on the medication for the rest of your lives and, if you do, so what? It is better than waking up screaming three and four times a night like I was.

Other treatments? Psychotherapy is helpful. The emotional regulation component of DBT, including all aspects of physical regulation, is useful. Remember to stay active and try to get enough sleep. The ubiquitous mindfulness meditation is also beneficial.

And speaking of sleep, it is time for me to toddle off to bed. I got a lot done today and have a lot to do. Still, all things in moderation. If I pace myself, I can get it done.

Oh, and the volcanic eruption and the reindeer and all that? No sense worrying about the future. It distracts you from the now. The volcano will erupt if it chooses, but if it doesn’t? My husband will be really disappointed.

written 8/31/2016

Continue reading “Grandma’s Reindeer”

Wonder Woman

Hey, there! Back again. Just back from Zumba. The Y (YMCA) is changing its schedule for fall. Just when I think I have my life semi in order, something changes.

The way they want to set it up, I may be taking ‘doubles’. Yoga and then Zumba or Zumba and then yoga.

I am a fit sexagenarian but I am not Wonder Woman. (Actually, except for a few very uneven fights, all she did was ride around in her invisible plane and lasso bad guys so maybe I could be Wonder Woman ?)

Wonder woman shirt

OMG.  Just to prove the Universe has a sense of humor: I pulled out a t-shirt to wear for the rest of the day. Go ahead and guess….yep.  It is my Wonder Woman t-shirt from when the school put a team in the Dirty Girl Mud Run a few years ago! Two comments on that: a) Dirty Girl was a hoot and b) be careful what you say because Someone likes to poke fun!

Leaving the topic of weird coincidences behind and getting back to my YMCA dilemma, it appears I may have to make some decisions. How many classes, which days? I would like to say I could do them all for as long as necessary.

 

That’s me. Ever the optimist (generally, at any rate).

Any more when I think about exercising for hours I try to remind myself what happened to my meniscus. ????  Three hours of hip hop. Enough said. The spirit is willing The body?  Not so much.

We had this conversation in yoga the other night. A 30ish acquaintance has an injury but still wanted to go all out. Sometimes you can’t. Your body will set limits even if your mind and spirit do not.

Bringing me right around to my AMD. We are going on vacation – I hope. I look at all of the fun and exciting things they offer and I debate. I would truly love to do all of these things. But do they really want a 63-year-old, visually handicapped person along? Can I do this without being a burden?

If I could see well, there would be no question. But I do not see that well. I get lost sometimes. I have always been directionally challenged but these days I can get lost in a confined space. Not good.

So I am practicing a little radical acceptance. That is a DBT concept. We teach it in distress tolerance. It includes the acceptance of “it is what it is” and sometimes “what it is” involves pain.

Stop fighting reality. There maybe some things my vision won’t allow me to do.

Sue's "can you see me now" sweatshirtBut there are somethings I can still do and somethings I can do with a few modifications. For example, behold my new sweatshirt! I may not see my husband but I defy him not to see me! Cool, man. Like, psychedelic. Gotta split. Get back to you later!

 

 

written 8/20/2016

Continue reading “Wonder Woman”

Is This the Hill?

Good morning. Another Monday ‘off’.  I had saved the day for my third place of employment but they did not have an assessment client for me.

That is OK. I can survive. Over the weekend I wrote several reports. The time that took was probably a work day.

I can be flexible. Flexible is good. The Oak and the Reed was one of Aesop’s fables. I never knew that until a few minutes ago. Sometimes it really is better to bend than break.

Depending upon the issue, of course. In one of the DBT lessons I taught recently we talked about the phrase “is this a hill you want to die on?” One of our clients had grown up with her father, a military man, using that phrase and she never knew what it meant. What does it mean? It means there are some battles we should decide not to fight. The victory is not worth the cost. When you don’t want to die on that particular hill, you skirt it. Go around.

So I am being flexible. Doing that a LOT these days.

I did not tell you about the transportation debacle I had just getting to my yogini to get to the yoga festival. I found out transportation will not only take me to work and medical appointments, it will take me just because I want to go. I decided to try it to get to my yogini’s house. Needed to be there at 9:25, so I told them I needed to be there at 9:15. They picked me up at 7:50! I sat nearly 90 minutes in the park because I did not want to impose on my yogini.

There was an older woman on the same run. She wanted to go to the drug store that opened at 9. They dropped her off at 8:10!

I was flexible. I was able to find a place to sit and do some research for a possible trip. I decided not to complain. Just made a note to myself to avoid taking transportation any place I cannot get out of the elements, any place I cannot use my time productively while waiting. I have the resources that will allow me not to have to take transportation to activities all that often. I don’t have to use my energy to fight that battle.

If I had been the woman going to the drug store? I believe I would have raised a serious stink as the phrase goes. She was a woman in her late 70s being left to stand in the heat. Oh, yeah. I would have fought that battle.

So I try to be flexible. I pick my battles and decide which ‘hills’ I will ‘die’ on. I try not to cut off my nose to spite my face – another great, old saying. I adapt to this new reality. When necessary, I am the reed.

Written 8/15/2016

Continue reading “Is This the Hill?”

Red Rubber Ball

[We haven’t done song titles for awhile, click here for Red Rubber Ball.]

One of the sessions I was in at that conference I attended had to do with resilience. The presenter said one of the keys to resilience is self-awareness, self-knowledge. Kind of an interesting thought. Whenever I think of resilience, that “bounce back ability” we strive for, I think of, well, bouncing. Like a red rubber ball. But maybe you aren’t a red rubber ball. Maybe you are a titanium ball-bearing, built to stand up to the pressure without giving in. Or maybe you are a Nerf ball. Flattening with the least amount of pressure but springing back the instant the pressure is gone. Knowing who and what you are can show you how to approach a challenge. Like I said, interesting concept.

I found some blogs by ‘The Self-Awareness Guy‘. He did a piece on self-awareness and resilience and I think he was talking about some of what the presenter meant. For one thing, he said you cannot harness your strengths until you know what they are. Sort of ditto in reverse for your weaknesses. You cannot avoid them or make those skills stronger until you know what they are. It also follows you should know your lesser skills so you recognize you have other options. Remember the infamous plan B, plan C, etc.?

A Psychology Today article entitled ‘Ten Traits of Emotionally Resilient People’ said resilient people know their own boundaries. Huh? What I think this author meant was this: there is a part of you that is the real you. It is strong and has integrity. This ‘you’ does not change with circumstances or outside influences. It is who you truly are.

Knowing your true and unchanging self can make you very strong. It can make you resilient.

The presenter talked about ‘mission’. I am going to change that to purpose. Purpose is very close to your true core self. Why the heck are you here? Be aware of your personal values. When you know what they are you know where you want to go and what you are willing to do to get there.

Remember Frankl. The man said when you have a why (and recognize that why) you can survive any how. That is resilience.

So, need a little resilience in dealing with things, AMD included? Know you have an untouchable core. That is you unchanged. Draw upon it. Define its values. That is what you are striving for. Why you are here will give you power. Use your knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses to help you get to your goals. Self-awareness can lead to resilience. Cool. Continue reading “Red Rubber Ball”

Stop!

By now you are probably seeing a theme in the last few pages. All of the battles are pretty much over. I have my assistive devices and I am working. Transportation is pretty much set up. Not many worlds to conquer right now. Into the long haul of living with a disability and it is a constant, nagging ache in the tush!!!!

I say ache, not pain. You can contradict me if you chose but at this stage of AMD, the damn thing is an irritant. Just enough to interfere with my functioning but not enough to stop me in my tracks.

It is that niggling little frustration that sets me on edge but does not send me screaming. Maybe the screaming comes again later. Hope I don’t get there.

Which brings me to my point for this page. I am obsessing on the clinical trials. I want to get moving. I am a type A personality. If there is a problem, you fix it. You don’t wait around for over a year. My first referral to the research team was August, 2015. I was ready to go then!

I use my distress tolerance skills. ACCEPTS is described in my pages. I do my activities, contribute (and bitch and whine and complain and even nag) through this website and my work and I compare. I do things opposite to my emotion, push away and use thoughts through refuting and reframing. I even use sensation through some tough exercise routines.

Usually they work but, like I said, recently I am obsessing on getting this show on the road!!!! Intellectually I know my irritation level will have zero, zilch, nada effect on what happens with the study. I know there is no amount of wishing and obsessing that will make the process go faster. After all, “if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.” (Where did I get these things??? Do you notice people don’t use proverbs any more? I think it really is a loss. I know some fun ones…….but I digress once again ?)

Anyway, I have decided to try some thought stopping. Some of the literature says thought stopping does not work because of my “blue elephant” ? thing. You know, you cannot not think about something if you tell yourself not to think about it. However, Sherry Ankrom writing for verywell.com adds some techniques such as observing thoughts and replacing them with affirmations rather than just suppressing the negative thought. When she observes an unwanted thought she does not just say “stop!”. She replaces the thought with something positive.

E.g. “This waiting is driving me crazy. I am making no progress at all! Things are at a standstill!” Notice the thought. Say “stop!” and replace it with something positive.

Just because you cannot see progress does not mean things have stopped. There is a lot going on behind the scenes. This will be extremely financially profitable for this company. They want to get things going as soon as possible, too. You WILL be called.

Hopefully this will help a little bit. I like forward momentum and being in the doldrums, becalmed as it were, is driving me crazy.

If anyone has any other ideas for surviving down time let me know. The best thing I have found so far is to fill that time but maybe you have some other ideas. In the meantime, I am going for a haircut.

written 7/24/2016

Continue reading “Stop!”

Summer of My Discontent

I am doing my discontent routine. I really should (uh oh should-ing on myself!?) be more content. It is hot! My kind of weather. I just got out of the pool. Pretty good. I had a busy day and I have almost mastered the new, (damnable) computerized note taking system at work. We are planning a vacation. If life is so good, what the hey is wrong with me?

Some days I am just ready to say “Been there. Done that. Own the t-shirt”. I have had my trip to the Land of the Going Blind and it is time to come back to my ‘real’ world. Joke is over guys. Not funny.

…hey, some of this is starting to sound familiar, like I wrote it before. If I did, it bears repeating because the emotions repeat. It has been time to pull the plug on this little adventure many times in the last five months. Assume you feel the same.

I wonder why I am feeling this way now. Physical and mental demands change. These can cause stress and needs for changes in coping strategies. Stress can lead to lower feelings of well-being. I took a double yoga class (transportation issue) and then went to a third one the next day. I have been fighting with the new computer system since Wednesday. These sound like physical and mental demands to me. Could these be the causes for my case of the blahs?

Folkman & Lazarus (1980) suggested coping efforts focus on altering the relationship between the person and the environment or on reducing the emotional distress. They reported the best way to react in altering the person-environment relationship is acceptance and willingness to seek guidance and make changes……do you ever feel like you are traveling in circles? This stuff sound vaguely familiar?

Conversely, strategies that don’t work very well include denial and wishful thinking. Like wanting to click my heels together three times and go ‘home’ for example? Sigh.

We have talked about an optimistic outlook and the willingness to take help before. We have also talked about the value of finding meaning in pain a la Frankl. These things help you get through.

So it is back to the drill. I need to be aware of my physical and emotional states and take care of me. Accept the situation and try to find meaning in it even if I am sick of it. I need to go back to actively finding my way.

But I do have one question. Do you think it would hurt anything to just try clicking my heels together? Maybe just once?

Written July 22, 2016

Continue reading “Summer of My Discontent”

Waiting for the Go

I got that question again: when are you going for the clinical trial? When I said maybe January, I got the same response. You know the one: “But you must be losing vision all of the time!” Probably. Not very fast, but probably. Not sure I needed to be reminded, but thanks for caring.

Time is moving along rapidly actually. I am now 63 years and 5 days old!? Fast week this. I have noticed the birds are moving in flocks and it is getting dark earlier. My summer is starting to fade. I MUST be getting closer to when this accursed study is going to launch.

But then the next thought is right back to how many RPEs do I lose everyday? What is the other countdown here? Do I want that countdown to go so fast?

I am doing my distraction activities. I worked seven hours today. Pretty much the same number of hours every other day this week. I went to exercise classes three evenings and swam tonight. I am busy!

Kate Sweeney, featured in a Times magazine article on waiting said that distractions did not work in her study but it sounded like her subjects were actively pushing away worry with their distractions. You cannot not think about something by telling yourself to not think about it!

Sort of like: “don’t think about a blue elephant!” Yep, all sorts of thoughts about lovely hued pachyderms out there right about now.?

My distracting involves doing things to do those things. It probably works better. I try not to say things like “I’ll swim so I don’t think about my eyes.” I just go swimming.

Sweeney did not find high self-esteem to be a bit helpful. (I could have told her that!) However, optimism was a help as was being comfortable with uncertainty. She also found that anticipating failure did not help with waiting but helped with dealing with the final outcome.

I guess if you are screaming “failure is not an option!” It is a little hard to get yourself together after you do fail.

A lot of worry and anxiety was also found to make dealing with results easier. The worrywarts started back on task faster if they lost and were more relieved if they won. It is nice to know anxiety about this sort of thing has some benefits.

Sawyer’s article came back around to endorsing what appears to be the panacea these days: mindfulness meditation! Nice to know we are on the right track but it would have been nice to discover some sort of new revelation here!!!

So I wait. My vision loss and medical science are in a foot race. The outcome is uncertain but I remain optimistic. Now I guess I walk the dog.

[If you’re wondering about the title, it’s a ‘play’ on the title of a play by Samuel Beckett “Waiting for Godot”.]

written 7/22/2016

Continue reading “Waiting for the Go”

Stinkin’ Thinkin’

I misplaced a lot of stuff this weekend. Between my natural inclination towards clutter and my inability to see so well, I was a mess, I was useless, I was a waste of space!

Does any of that sound familiar to you? Sure does to me. I do quite a bit of negative self talk. It is especially true when I am frustrated with myself and/or life in general.

According to the Psychologydictionary.org, negative self-talk is the expression of thoughts or feelings that are counterproductive and have the effect of demotivating oneself. In other words, negative self-talk does nothing positive for you, makes you feel like crap, and robs you of the energy and will to do anything productive.

I also find it really black-or-white thinking. When I was berating myself about being an absolutely worthless creature, capable of doing nothing right this past weekend, I conveniently forgot I had exercised, taken care of the dog, done the laundry and the dishes, scrubbed the kitchen floor, written a page or two, etc. All I saw was how I kept losing things (make that in reality two things) and being a HOPELESS case!

Are you listening to me?!? You really don’t have to listen to me rant, but Reachout.com, a work by our Aussie cousins, suggests you listen to yourselves. You cannot fix something you are not aware of and negative self-talk, in the local jargon, “needs fixed”. (Still trying to figure out why they don’t like “to be”. They are such inoffensive little words!) [Lin/Linda here: Sue is referring to areas of the country where rather than saying what is grammatically correct “needs to be fixed”, people say “needs fixed”.  It just so happens that it is what we both grew up with in Western Pennsylvania (me) and Central Pennsylvania (Sue). I’ve also heard it in areas of the South.]

Reachout.com also suggests you monitor what you are saying to yourself and change it!

After all, most people would not talk to their worst enemy the ways they talk to themselves. The world could use a bit more kindness and civility, even when it is directed towards oneself.

So we are back to refute and re-frame, wonderful words in psychology. For example, I could have told myself I was not worthless. I did some housework and was a loving mother to the Beastie. Walkies are just about the best thing! While there was some reality in my saying I was a screw-up, the majority of the evidence did not suggest I was useless, worthless or hopeless. I looked at reality and refuted my negative statements.

Then there is putting things in perspective, a re-framing skill. My father used to tell me my bumps and scrapes would be “better before you get married”. Same idea. Is this problem going to scar you for life? Will you be able to laugh at it later? Or learn something? Or profit anyway at all?

Lastly, Reachout.com suggests you use goal-directed thinking and see if there is anything you can do to solve the problem. Is this way of thinking helping? If not, how do I get out of it?

One thing I do, that may sound a little crazy, is try to build a chain of little successes. Not doing an accursed thing right? Put a clean dish (make sure it is clean! No sense making yourself feel worse!) in the cupboard. You have now done something right. Then go and put your shoes away. That’s two and you are on a roll!!!

It is easy to get down on yourself. Trust me. I know. Try to be aware of negative self-talk. Refute it. Re-frame it. Be kind to yourself.

Written 7/13/2016

Continue reading “Stinkin’ Thinkin’”

Name That Emotion

After I wrote that last page I ran this little conversation through my head:

Reader: “That is all well and good for you to say, but I am not going to go looking for those negative emotions to label. Better let sleeping dogs lie! Rile those things up and you never know what will happen. You cannot help bad feelings by talking about them.”

Sue: “Wrongo, Bucko! That is exactly how it is done!”

There is some very cool research being done on something called affect labeling. At UCLA they are finding the simple act of putting a name to a troubling emotion decreases that emotion. Cool, huh?

Now comes the neuroscience. Bear with me.

There is a part of your ‘old brain’ called the amygdala. The amygdala has some very important jobs. It controls fight, flight or freeze. These are reactions to danger; right? Really important for keeping the organism (‘organism’ because lots of animals have amydgalas) alive. You need an amygdala.

The problem comes when your amygdala gets out of sorts and keeps reacting to things that are either not necessarily dangerous or, like AMD, do not have fight, flight or freeze as the answer. If this were a multiple choice quiz, the proper answer for how to handle AMD would be “none of the above”.

Even though fight, flight or freeze are not correct reactions to the threat and fear of AMD, the amygdala is still revving you up for battle or a sprint or a game of hide and seek with a predator. It is sending out all sorts of alarm signals to your body and your body is getting prepared.

Which leads us to another problem. Many of the chemicals your body sends out are not meant to be produced over the long-term. Long-term production of these chemicals can do you a lot of harm. However, the threat and stress of a chronic condition happen everyday. Conundrum.

So, now the way labeling emotions can help lower negative feelings: labeling emotions seems to be a task of the right ventrolateral region of your brain. It is behind the right side of your forehead and your right eye. Mindfulness meditation causes the right ventrolateral region to bulk up. The theory is all the noticing and labeling done in mindfulness is what is causing the growth.

But even better, when people with an overactive amygdala name their emotions, the right ventrolateral region lights up and the amygdala calms down! Even, even better, a buff right ventrolateral region keeps the amygdala calmer just whenever.

Maybe that is why people who meditate seem so calm and serene to us mere mortals. They have right ventrolateral regions with ‘six packs’.

Remember all those stories in which the hero magically gained control over something by calling it by its true name? Turns out not to be fiction. With the naming of emotions, it is fact. Go ahead and try it. Use a little true name ‘magic’ on your negative emotions. Continue reading “Name That Emotion”

Cookies!

Recently we posted a page about everything I want and how I might connive to get some of it using the strategies of DBT interpersonal effectiveness.  And yes, I know, these skills are not supposed to be manipulative or conniving. Remember the old saying, though: “figures don’t lie but liars figure.” These skills don’t connive but connivers like me have been known to take advantage of a skill or two.

I promise I don’t use them maliciously. Conniving, yes. Really evil, no.

cookiemonsterOne of our readers, possibly playing off the word ‘want’, referred us to a YouTube video starring Cookie Monster. Apparently Cookie Monster is getting on the mindfulness bandwagon and trying to get kids to use the skills. It appears Cookie Monster’s halo is a bit straighter than mine. He is not using the skills to get what he wants. He is using them for delaying gratification (“cookie now! No, cookie later”) and urge surfing.

Now we have all heard about delayed gratification. In delayed gratification we resist our impulses to seize an immediate reward so that we might have a reward – sometimes better and free of punishments – later. Mindfulness skills can be used to surf over the urge for immediate gratification so that we have a chance to get the better stuff later.

Urge surfing, you ask? Any surfer dudes or dudettes out there? As surfers, you know the waves come in, well, waves! They have highs and they have lows. There is no such thing as an endless wave.

In the interest of my upcoming simile, we are going to ignore the option of diving under a wave and say there are two ways of dealing with a wave. You can stand there and get the stuffing knocked out of you or you can get on top of it and ride.

Urge surfing offers a way to ride the waves of your impulses. Rather than give in to the power of an urge you stay on top and end up in the trough behind it. Maybe even eventually on the beach away from the urges all together.

Portland Psychotherapy also says urges, like waves, don’t last forever. They dissipate after about a half an hour. The idea is to use your breath as your surfboard and ride. Use your observe skills to get a little distance from the urge. Adopting what they call an open and curious attitude (aka open monitoring) and observing all of what is happening in your body and head will allow the urge to pass.

Remember being open and nonjudgmental is essential. That which we resist, persists.

If I were Cookie Monster, I would be saying something like the following: “I am thinking about cookies. My hand wants to reach for that cookie. My tummy is grumbling. I have a thought my tummy is calling that cookie.”

So why even mention this technique in a website on AMD? Well, Cookie Monster is cute. I am proud he is learning to control his impulses. Also, a lot of us have time on our hands and to use another old chestnut, “idle hands do the devil’s work”. That may mean too many cigarettes or too many beers or too many cookies! AMD is enough of a problem without the complications of those habits. Better to get out your boards and hang ten with the Cookie Monster dude.
Continue reading “Cookies!”

Duck or Rabbit?

This week we went over describe skills in DBT class. Believe it or not JUST describing is tough! I put a picture of a bedroom with toys and clothes covering every available surface on the screen and ask the class to describe it. Instead of descriptions I often get a bunch of judgments. Messy, chaotic…I also get ‘should on- a phrase courtesy of Albert Ellis -and told how no child ‘should’ be allowed to keep a room like that!

Judgments and all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ can get in the way. They get in the way of just plain seeing what is there. They get in the way of accepting what is and dealing with it. Thus, sometimes we just need to describe without judgment or rules.

drawing of an optical illusion which can be seen as a duck or a rabbit.
drawing of an optical illusion which can be seen as a duck or a rabbit.

How do judgments and rules get in the way of seeing what is there? One way is to give us some preconceived notions of what we should see. Another exercise I do is give each student a card with a word on it, duck or rabbit. Then I show an old German drawing of the duck/rabbit. Most of the time people see what was on their cards. The opposite possibility has to be pointed out! When I plant a notion in their minds, that is the only way they can interpret what they see. Pretty limiting, yes?

Although we do the exercises with exterior, concrete things, they can be done with bodily sensations and emotions as well. There are some emotions people do not believe are good (judgment) or that they are allowed (should-ing) to have.

For example, let’s take fear. “Wimps are afraid of a little thing like fuzzy vision! I am a (fill in the blank e.g. war veteran, ex-cop, mother of four boys) and, let me tell you, nothing scares me!” Having that mind set may keep people from seeing what else is going on between their own two ears. That is in the lower parts of the brain, the emotional center.

So, since one cannot address what one cannot recognize and acknowledge, what is the game plan here? (Because we know THAT attitude is a bunch of crap. Whistling in the graveyard, although sometimes there is a place for whistling in the graveyard. See opposite to emotion).

The answer to the question I posed above that lengthy parenthetical phrase? Describe! Queasy stomach that feels like I ate a rock, heart pounding, shallow breath. Damn, that IS fear!

And now we have circled back to acceptance and change, the stalwart concepts of DBT. You cannot accept what you refuse to perceive. You perceive what is really there by describing it without the interference of judgment or rules.

Thus endth another lesson. Try the duck/rabbit on somebody. It’s sort of cool! Continue reading “Duck or Rabbit?”

Your Macular Journal/ey

It dawned upon me I should probably say a little bit about journaling. After all, these pages are a journal, sort of. I blend a lot of psycho-education into the mix but at the core these pages are about me, my life, my feelings.

I started this journal because I needed something to do while I was home, newly visually impaired and unemployed. The unemployed part turned out to be temporary but I did not know that at the time.

I also needed to express my feelings in a constructive rather than a destructive manner.

I have kept journaling for those and a couple of other reasons. For one thing, it keeps me honest. If I tell you to keep a positive attitude or help medical research, I damn well better be doing the same. Talk the talk AND walk the walk.

A humbling reason is at least one of you has said I am her voice. I have put words to feelings she did not know how to express. I am beyond honored to have been able to do that.

However, should I accidentally step in front of a truck tomorrow – which remains a possibility – I would like each and every one of you to have his or her own voice. Thus, journaling.

It was suggested people started writing journals in 10th century Japan. Since then many, many people have kept journals. What is a journal? It is daily writing about your life, events, emotions and reactions.

Two ways my pages are NOT journal pages in the true sense are a) they are not private and b) they are not uncensored or unedited. True journal pages are private. For your eyes only (“Bond, James Bond”?). They also are unfettered by the rules of spelling and grammar.

And the benefits of journal writing?  Writing things down allows you to clarify your thoughts. It helps you to know yourself better. In that way it is like observing your thoughts and actions a la DBT. For example, why would I associate THOSE two things? And really in true dialectic fashion, journal writing allows us to resolve disputes by helping you understand other view points in a non threatening environment.

Some of these ideas were liberally ‘borrowed’ from PsychCentral. Check there and other sites such as Tiny Buddha for more ideas on journaling.

Lin and I remain open to the idea of publishing guest pages by our readers and anyone else out there. Please keep it R rated or lower and on topic. Topics being AMD, vision loss in general and self-help, all interpreted a bit broadly. We will NOT publish advertisements thinly veiled as pages or posts. We retain the right to censor or exclude without explanation. (Sometimes the explanation is as simple as I got a bad vibe. I tend to listen to my gut.)

Happy writing!

Lin/Linda here: please send me an email with your page in the body of the it or with it attached.  I can open documents in a variety of formats.

Continue reading “Your Macular Journal/ey”

In the Moment

I just read a comment that said the writer hoped I would address “staying in the moment”. What does staying in the moment mean? It is actually a pretty self-explanatory phrase. It means not living in the past or the future. It means living in the now. We are talking about being present in the present.

To quote: “living in the moment is a state of active, open intentional attention to the present.” Not sure whom I am quoting. It came up on a google search with no reference but I liked it. If it is yours, nice job!

What I liked about it were the words active and intentional. These days, the age of distraction, it takes both action and intention to stay focused on what is happening now.

Do a little experiment. Just for fun, keep a tally of how many times a day you live in the past. Tally up both good memories and regrets. Then keep a tally of how often you think about the future. Plans, yes, but the big one you should concentrate on is worry. How many times a day do you worry? Ouch? I thought that might be the case.

Now just for fun try to be present in your environment. Really notice. In DBT speak this is called observe. When you observe you are not supposed to judge but for the exercise, tally up the good things you have in the present. They can be small. For example, right now for me it is dusk. The birds are calling and the insects have started to make their night noises. Good things I like to hear. They would get a tally.

Now the big question: would you have noticed these things if you had not been challenged to do this exercise? My guess is no. What would you have thought about instead? Worries?

People sometimes ask how I can be so happy knowing I will someday go blind. I tell them I try not to think about it. Active and intentional attention to what is happening now is something I try to cultivate. Right now there is still much I can see. Why ignore the beauty of my world worrying about someday not seeing it? If I do that, I have made myself blind. The disease may do it in the future but I would be doing it to myself now in the present.

Yesterday is but a dream. Tomorrow is only a vision. But today well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. – Kalidasa

Go live today….mindfully, actively, intentionally. Continue reading “In the Moment”

Teflon Mind

Good afternoon!  It is finally what I consider to be a ‘good’ summer temperature here….about 90 F. I was motivated to move my ‘office’ – CCTV and tablet – out onto the deck. Practical note here: iPads overheat when you are sitting in the sun and listening to a BARD book. Also, direct sunlight on what you are trying to see on the CCTV washes out the image. Don’t bother to try it. I ended up moving into the shade. Black with white lettering did work on the CCTV but I found it a bit odd. You might like it though. In that case, do try it!

Tomorrow I am getting up early to catch a ride to my third place of employment. Probably home late. Same setup the next day so I have to finalize my DBT lesson plan today.

My topic: the what and how skills of mindfulness. We will be going over this stuff for several weeks so I decided to go a bit more in-depth on ‘Teflon mind’.

Teflon has been around for so long I suspect you all know what it is. It is the nonstick stuff on pans. The stuff that created a market for plastic spatulas.

The idea of Teflon mind is to make your mind nonstick for all the negative nonsense you may encounter.

Ignoring the negative is hard. In fact, it is unnatural! It is through not ignoring the negative that we got to be so successful as a species. The protohuman who insulted you today may be the protohuman who hits you with a stone ax tomorrow! Our ancestors learned to look out for that sort of thing.

Being attentive to the negative now can be crucial but not always and not necessarily life or death. Someone from Papua, New Guinea, may say I wrote a really stupid page and he wants to smack me, but since I am very far away from Papua, I should not take it to heart.

But I often do. Many of us often do. We are upset and wounded and want to defend ourselves. We may even decide to launch our own offensive.  “Oh, yeah?  Well, my country is bigger than your country. So there!”  Not very helpful.

DBT suggests we be mindful of our feelings. It suggests we take a moment to pause (very important in DBT) and just observe what we are experiencing, both in the environment and in our minds. As we observe what is going on both outside and in our thoughts we allow there to be a disconnect between thoughts and automatic emotions and behaviors.

Grandma knew about this. She told you to count to 10 and take a deep breath before reacting.

Taking a moment to pause also gives you some understanding about the nature of intense emotion. Specifically, emotions are pretty much like waves. They come and they go. Intense emotion can be created and recreated making it look like it is sustainable, but it is not. Emotions wash over you and are gone. Why react to something you are no longer feeling?

The other thing about taking a moment to pause and not react? It shows you how strong you are! You can take it!

Facing up to something upsetting takes its power away. In psychology it is called extinction. What you are really doing is lessening the connection between neurons. The adage is “neurons that fire together wire together”. If you keep the second one from firing this time you reduce the chance it will fire the next time….leading to a Teflon mind.

So there it is.  Teflon mind. Moment to pause. two skills used together to reduce reactivity to some of the nonsense in the world.

Continue reading “Teflon Mind”

Never a Dull Moment

She’s back!  Cleaned the entire bathroom. Are you proud of me?

Plan C just went to Hades. The gaming store my nephew wants to visit while I am shopping is not open on Mondays and today is…..? Very good! I knew you were an intelligent group ?.

Planning ahead. Flexibility. I have plenty of food (even if I feel like I am becoming a hoarder!) and I can survive until Thursday. I am flexible enough to juggle plans and not flip out.

Remember the reed. It bends instead of breaking.

I also have a few things I can do. I can clean. Even if that is low on my list it passes the time.  I can listen to my books. I can sit and be mindful of the beautiful day.

Of course, I have some other things I am thinking about and don’t want to do. I just had lunch and I am NOT hungry but I keep thinking about eating. Generally, that is a pretty good indication of my mental state. In short, I eat when I am bored.

Boredom. I just found an American Psychological Association article talking about it. The article is entitled “Never a Dull Moment”. According to the article, Canadian researchers have found boredom is all about attention. Cool. I just taught the difference between attention and awareness last week in DBT.  Attention is a form of focused consciousness. It is the flashlight beam instead of the overhead light. I know what attention is.

The researchers found bored people don’t always  have nothing to do. Bored people want to be engaged and stimulated but they are unable to find anything in their environment that will do that for them. Eastwood, the researcher, refers to a bored mind as an unengaged mind. It is a mind that is not paying attention.

Eastwood went on to say boredom can lead to lethargy or it can lead to agitation. In other words, both crawling into bed to sleep the afternoon away and pacing like a caged tiger are results of boredom.

The article goes on to state that distractions are not the same as engagement. Just doing something to pass the time or that needs to be done – like me cleaning! – does not reduce boredom. Engagement is the key.

Being underwhelmed with life can be a problem for many of us. Visual impairment as well as other impairments does not thrust you into the exciting mainstream of life. Risky behavior in search of stimulation can be a problem. Have you ever walked into a casino and looked at the people playing the slot machines? Ever notice how many are handicapped? Big percentage. Bored people looking to be engaged.

Does the article make any concrete suggestions? Of course not! These people are research scientists. What they did offer was a finding. Boredom can be dispelled when your activities have purpose.

Purpose? That sounds like Viktor Frankl. Remember? If you have a why, you can survive any how? Funny how everything seems to  interconnect.

Hope this page engaged you. It did me. I have focused my attention and I am no longer bored. Good thing, this.

Continue reading “Never a Dull Moment”

Murphy’s Law

I suspect Lin is going to scream at me about that last page. [Lin here: for the record, I don’t scream.] No, my friends, or for that matter, my enemies are not going to let me starve. No, they don’t really mind if I tap them for help once or twice a week. (Once again, thank God I know a lot of good people.) It is pretty much in my own head. Yes, I am preparing and trying to maintain some good independence. Yes, I am also catastrophizing.

I am what? Is that a word, even? It is in psychology. Catastrophizing is having irrational thoughts about things.

The thoughts say things are worse, much worse, than they actually are! They say situations are hopeless and we are doomed. Doomed, I say! Doomed!!!!

According to Psych Central there are two kinds of catastrophizing. One is in the present tense and one is in the future. In other words, my situation is horrible and it can only get worse. Uplifting, don’t ya think?

Now just because “I is a psychologist. I is” I am not immune to this nonsense. I just recognize it a little faster than most. Everyone is susceptible to catastrophizing. Hell, look at Murphy. He got famous with a law that is catastrophizing at its finest: “whatever can go wrong will.” There are also a couple of dozen corollaries to the law. Check out the Murphy’s Law website if you want to have fun with them.

People identify with the thought Murphy put forward. Catastrophizing is common practice.  However, the problem is that catastrophizing is not a positive thing. It is sort of the evil twin of cope ahead. Cope ahead helps us to imagine doing things right so that we can actually do them properly. Catastrophizing has us imagining things going wrong. Guess what happens when you practice things going wrong?  Yep. You got it.

Expecting and practicing a bad outcome generally leads to a bad outcome.

Getting rid of catastrophizing starts with our old friends awareness and acceptance.  Just being aware and recognizing what you are doing helps you change your thought patterns. Become aware of your thinking patterns. Are you using a lot of negative words in your thoughts? You know, words like awful, disaster, terrible, debacle, etc. Being aware will have you on the lookout for them when they crop up. Accepting you are using them opens the door to doing something to change your thoughts. Better to practice cope ahead and see yourself as successful. You can also refute your negative thoughts. “That’s not true! It is not true because…”

So, OK, I am not going to starve. I have access to a variety of food sources. People have been transporting me for weeks. Why would they suddenly stop? Everything may work itself out. Maybe Murphy was wrong.

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Breathe and Accept

Today gets mixed reviews. I taught, which I love. My husband got transferred to a rehabilitation center here in town. That will make things easier than having him in a neighboring town.

I am still at the mercy of other people’s schedules. It is what it is but it makes things damn inconvenient. Have to accept it as the best that I can do now.

I am doing the best I can do but I can do better…..I just haven’t figured it out yet!

While waiting for my ride to the rehab, I did my first Amazon Prime Pantry order. I took a free, 30-day Amazon Prime membership to save the shipping cost of $5 and some cents. I got 16 things in the box. The way they work it, you fill a box with groceries. Their computer keeps track of how full your box actually is. With a little bit of effort I got mine to 99% full. Shipping is always the same price so packing the box without over packing is good economics.

Amazon Prime Pantry offers nothing fresh, nothing frozen or refrigerated. (At least in my area. I have been told these are available in urban areas. Click here to learn more about AmazonFresh.) They do have bulky items like laundry detergent and packs of paper towels and toilet paper. Getting those things delivered might be a good idea. Those might be a little tough to walk and carry or take on transportation.

The box is supposed to come in two days. I will give you an update then.

When I got home, the Beastie Baby went crazy. She has been alone too much. I wasn’t going to walk her but I needed milk.

We killed two birds with one stone and walked together to the convenience market.

Since it was after dark, I definitely wore my reflective vest. A lot of what I read said that if you cannot see them, it is doubly important that they can see you. Most of them – the vests, not the drivers! – are adjustable but make sure what you get is big enough just in case. In the winter I wear mine over all my layers of clothing.

Considering I look like the Michelin man in winter, it needs to be plenty big.

Well I really need to go to bed. The crappiest thing about today? The transportation people messed up right out of the gate. The ride I ordered for 8 o’clock is coming at 7!!!!!!

Breathe and accept. Breathe and accept. Try to do better next time. Sigh.

Continue reading “Breathe and Accept”

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