In my job as a DBT therapist, I am a huge proponent of tolerating and coping. Accept that which you cannot change. Acceptance and tolerance of that which we cannot change reduce suffering. [To read about DBT, check out Sue’s page Teacher, Teach Thyself.]
I believe that is totally true. The Buddha taught us the road to suffering is a desire for things we do not and often cannot have. The Buddha was a smart man. That is why he was the Buddha.
However, when I had a client with physical, social and financial challenges tell me he was sick of coping, the only thing I could think was “Amen, brother. I am with you on that.”
There does not appear to be such a thing as coping fatigue, but there should be. There are days I am sick to death of working around, making do, being tolerant. There are days – in a paraphrase of my father – I think my life and this disease should crap or get off the pot. Don’t just sit there. DO something! I may not be falling into the abyss, but I am not making any progress either. Can we get moving here?!?!
A reader asked why I am excited about possibly being in the APL-2 study even when I am not 100% confident about it. Not in so many words, but I responded that it represents movement and if I don’t have some movement – even if it might be around in circles – I will go insane. Those trials represent my hope for problem-solving and change, the other end of my dialectic.
Sometimes, when I am tired of coping, I go the other way. I say “the devil with it” and take a break from the struggle. I might snuggle down with a couple of dogs and a bowl of ice cream. (Make that a couple of dogs trying to eat my ice cream!) It is not a bad thing to mentally put my burden down and take a rest from even trying to muddle my way through. Of course, a bit later I pick everything up again and continue on the road.
I went looking for some expert advice on coping fatigue (I actually think I could make some money on this concept. It is a catchy title!). I did find an article from Psychology Today entitled 6 Tips for What to Do When You Feel Exhausted by Life. Close enough.
The first tip intrigued me, and I am not going to get much beyond it – or possibly even through it – in the number of words I allow myself. The point was to give up the Just World fallacy. Just World capitalized. What the hey?
According to Wikipedia, the Just World hypothesis says we reap what we sow. It says bad people get bad things and good people get nothing but good things. That concept is great if you are trying to scare people into walking the straight and narrow, but I am not so sure it always holds water. Yes, to quote Forrest Gump “Stupid is as stupid does”. We often reap what we sow when we do stupid things, but does that apply to something like a chronic condition? Are we bad people because a bad thing happened to us?
I will continue with this. I found the concept intriguing. I promise you it actually has relevance to coping with AMD. Really. I promise. Hold on…I will get there.
Written November 30th, 2018