Life is crazy and destined to get crazier. We have had a therapist leave the practice unexpectedly. Everyone is being asked to take up some of the slack. It seems as if every kid who is in the school is on my list to be seen. Today I got lunch at 3:30. I was ‘flying’ by the end of the day. I guess it is a good thing I start teaching emotional regulation soon!
Emotional regulation involves keeping your balance when everyone else is losing his. I have read emotional regulation is the ability to respond to the ongoing demands of experience within a range of emotions in a manner that is socially tolerable and sufficiently flexible to permit spontaneous reactions as well as the ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed.
Whoa. That was a mouthful.
First of all, I stole that but I have no idea where I got it. If it belongs to you, let me know and I will give you credit.
Second of all, what the hey does it mean? We shall begin at the beginning…
- …Ability to respond to the ongoing demands of experience… When something happens in life, can you do something about it? What is your reaction? We are ‘allowed’ to respond to what happens to us, good and bad.
- …With the range of emotion. Emotional regulation does not mean we don’t feel. It does not mean there are emotions that are ‘bad’ and we are not supposed to feel. The full range of emotions is acceptable. We are also allowed to express all emotions as well as feel them.
- …In a manner that is socially tolerable. In a nutshell there are ways to express emotion and ways not to do it. We are not going to do ourselves any good if we become so expressive we alienate people.
- …Sufficiently flexible to permit spontaneous reactions. We are not so controlled we cannot react with spontaneity. Emotional regulation does not mean we are robots and have to follow a script.
- …The ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed. Let’s face it: there are appropriate and inappropriate times to express ourselves. It is not all about us and how we are feeling. Sometimes our moment comes later.
So what does this have to do with AMD? Many of you – like me – have had a pretty significant emotional reaction to your AMD diagnosis. We are ‘allowed’ to express the full range of emotions about that.
Don’t listen to those who say you should not feel what you are feeling. Don’t tell yourself it is wrong to have an emotion. All emotions are acceptable.
The amendment to that is your expression of emotion should not be so intense you act in socially unacceptable ways. Other people have their rights and this includes the right not to have to deal with someone who is crazy out of control. Like I said before, alienating people is counterproductive especially when you are looking for social support.
Lastly, we want to be able to respond to our emotions both positive and negative. However we do not want to be seen as drama queens always hogging the limelight. Other people have their needs. Some of them may be more urgent than ours.
So that is the thinking behind emotional regulation. To summarize: all emotions are acceptable. There are no wrong emotions. We are ‘allowed’ to experience emotions but should try to regulate their expression. Overburdening or abusing others with emotional expression – read freaking out, if you will – is not appropriate. It is also not helpful.
And that is my intro to emotional regulation. I start again in the classroom next week so I may add more…or not. ::grin::